


Wicked Rest

by hiccupfound



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2020-07-28 20:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20069830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiccupfound/pseuds/hiccupfound
Summary: Sasuke returns to Konoha after the war. Things are not what he expected.Or; Sakura moves on while Sasuke finds himself





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve always wished that Sakura would have made Sasuke work to earn her affection a bit more, so that’s what this is. This will take place over several years and will feature Sakura with several other characters romantically. But don’t worry, they will eventually come together!

It had been two weeks since he was released from solitary confinement back into Konoha. Life here isn’t what he thought it would be. His teammates had chased after him, begged and pleaded with him to come home for the past 4 years. He thought that now, since he was now not only back in the Leaf Village, but released from prison that he would never see peace and quiet again. 

He was wrong. 

Two weeks in and he had seen Naruto five times; Sakura even less than that. Realistically he should be ecstatic, this was the ideal situation. He had all the time in the world to himself, to slowly adjust back to life surrounded by the rambunctious Rookie Nine, most of all his annoying teammates. 

He hadn’t had a chance to adjust to their presence at all, though. He was on strict probation orders which meant there were very few hours in the day he was allowed to be in the village, outside of his apartment without being accompanied by another member of Team 7. Seeing as Kakashi was now Hokage and he didn’t know Sai or Yamato that well that left him only two options…

Naruto and Sakura had stopped by earlier and Sasuke hated the excitement that bubbled in his chest upon seeing them. For years he had felt nothing but disdain and indifference, but now emotions seemed to flood forward at the weirdest times and it confused and enraged him. 

They had let themselves in, chatting about their days and pointedly ignoring his bad mood. Sakura was busy at the hospital as the worst of the war injuries were still being dealt with. Those closest to death among the forces were sent to Konoha because of her and Tsunade’s superior abilities. One glance spoke of the amount of time that was being spent healing others and letting herself suffer. She looked exhausted and thinner than he remembered, though it was true everything before his battle with Naruto now seemed blurry. Maybe he had just imagined it. 

Naruto was just as busy, though his work wasn’t near as stressful in Sasuke’s opinion. He was making his way around the village, which was still working on construction from Pein’s attack. Naruto helped where he could, but really he was there to save face. After the tragedy that follows war, people need a camaraderie boost. Not only was Naruto the perfect person for that because of his cheery demeanor, it also helped that he was a War Hero that had previously saved the village from certain death. 

So Sasuke was surprised when the two mentioned that they would all be going out tonight to celebrate. 

“We survived the war and even though things will be different now…” Sakura paused, soft green eyes looking up to meet his in a manner she never used to be capable of. “We just think we’ve earned the right to a night off, all together.”

“That’s right, Teme! So of course you’re coming too, and it’s around the time you’re allowed out! Meet at Sakura-chan’s apartment at seven.”

Just like that they were gone. He didn’t even have time to process what he was being told, never mind reject the offer. 

It was 6:30 now and he was getting restless. He headed out the door and to the pink haired girl’s home. He didn’t think she’d mind and he wanted to talk to her before they met up with everyone. He hardly had any alone time with her. Every time he’d seen her Naruto had tagged along. 

They hadn’t had time to discuss… well, anything. He thought it best to have everything out in the open. The past, both their feelings and anything else she wanted to say. He was serious about redeeming himself, and he couldn’t help but feel a large part of that was wrapped up in Sakura. 

It was 6:38 when he knocked on Sakura’s door. She answered swiftly, giving him a broad smile with bright eyes. 

“Sasuke! It’s so great to see you, come on in!” She held a high heeled shoe in one hand and was putting it on as he looked around her apartment. He was surprised to see that she wasn’t alone. 

Sitting on a large couch in her living room was Lee, Neji, Sai and Naruto. They all gave their greetings before turning to listen to Sakura, who was apparently in the middle of telling a story. Sasuke turned his attention to the girl who was standing in the bathroom, lining her lips in red while speaking. 

“So I told Ino if she actually had enough chakra left to heal that shinobi’s broken ribs then I’d wear the dress. So, here I am.” 

Sasuke glanced over at all the men in her apartment to find that they seem enamored in what she had to say. It was shocking, to say the least. When he had left at the age of thirteen Sakura had been little more than an annoying, weak girl. He could tell just by glancing at the room that neither of those things stood true anymore. 

“Sakura-Chan, you should know better than to make a bet with Ino! She’d do anything to get you out of your normal medic wear!” Naruto laughed and it must have been contagious because everyone else followed suit. 

Sakura rolled her eyes. “I know, I know. She told me no man would be able to keep their eyes off me tonight, but I just want to go out with my friends and have a good time!” 

No man indeed, Sasuke thought to himself as he looked at the fellow ninjas in the room. He looked towards Sakura curiously. 

She was definitely a sight to behold, in a dress shorter than the skirt she normally wore, and lacking the shorts, it certainly accentuated her long legs. Her hair, which had been in ever changing states of chaos every time he’d seen her was now smoothed down and he noticed that it was growing past her collarbones. The lipstick worked to bring out the darker colors in her eyes and her smile looked even brighter now. 

Sasuke felt his mouth go dry and he turned to face the coffee table in front of him. He couldn’t understand why Sakura had all these people here, and why hadn’t he been invited? He was instructed to show up at 7; had he not stopped by early would they have told him about the laughs that were shared in Sakura’s apartment?

“You ready to go?” Sakura’s voice shook him out of his paranoid reverie and he looked up to see everyone piling out of the door. He glanced at the door, then to her and then to the couch. 

Sakura nodded before turning to Naruto. “We’ll meet you there, okay?”

Sasuke only looked back up after he heard the door click shut. Sakura tilted her head at him curiously, but he remained silent. 

“What is it, Sasuke?” 

“It’s not Sasuke-kun anymore.” He had tried to ignore it, and for a little while had even convinced himself that it was just a slip of the tongue. During the war she had said it many times, but as soon as he returned from jail it was just ‘Sasuke’. It hadn’t bothered him until he saw all those people in her tiny apartment. 

Sakura shifted in her seat, moving forward and facing him head on. “Sasuke I— for so long I was all about you. I got strong for you, I searched for you and I even tried to kill you just so I could be free of the prison I had put myself and Naruto in.” She paused and took a deep breath. “It wasn’t healthy. We’ve been back from the war for almost a month and I’ve spent a lot of my free time reflecting on what I need in my life.” She looked into his eyes and he was taken aback by how kind they were, in a way he knew he would never be capable of, not with his ever present rinnegan and the blaring red of the Sharingan. 

“I forgave you because I love you. And that remains true, I do love you and I do forgive you. But after all that we put each other through… I realized I could never be with you. The history is just too complicated and filled with negative emotions.” She put her hand over his. “I look forward to building a path of friendship with you.” She slowly stood up, and he numbly followed the action. 

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling at the moment. Sasuke was too out of touch with his emotions to identify anything other than anger or vengeance, which he has since been told isn’t even an emotion. 

He hadn’t come here tonight to confess his love for Sakura, but her withdrawal of feelings left him unsettled and strangely empty. It was something he could always count on being there, something he could be sure of when nothing else made sense. Two weeks in and that had already been torn away. 

He walked beside her silently, trying to listen to her steps that used to echo loudly when they were on missions. But they were silent, even in the heels. She moved with the grace of the skilled fighter he swore she could never be. 

“I’m sorry we’ve been absent, Sasuke. In the upcoming weeks Naruto and I should have more time to come visit and bring you around town.” 

“You’re exhausted.” The make up was hiding her dark circles, but he knew. 

“And I can take care of myself, so like I said I will be coming around more often.” Her sharp tone was unfamiliar and it caused his temper to flare. 

“You’ll collapse from chakra depletion before you leave that hospital.”

Sakura scoffed. “You have no idea about my limitations, Uchiha.” 

“Don’t think I’ll baby you the way Naruto does.”

“Luckily I stopped relying on that a long time ago.”

The words stung but they were well deserved so he pressed his lips together and reminded himself to not activate his sharingan. He was under strict orders to not fight and the red eye would send the ANBU following him on high alert. 

They arrived at the restaurant then, but before entering Sakura turned and glared right into his rinnegan. 

“You don’t know me anymore, Sasuke. If you treat me like I’m 12 again, you will regret it.” She then opened the door and walked inside, leaving a stunned Sasuke on the street alone. 

—-

They were half way through their meals when Sasuke realized he was enjoying himself. He hadn’t spoken a word, too overwhelmed by all the loud voices around him, but the conversations were entertaining to listen to. Plus they were so unimportant. There was no discussion of assaults or assassinations, no pressing matters to attend to. It was carefree in a way Sasuke thought he would never be able to experience. 

“Sakura, that boy from the Sand is here. I treated him today.” Ino sipped her drink innocently while Sakura raised an eyebrow. 

“There are a lot of people from Sand here; you’re gonna have to be more specific.”

Ino shook her head. “The guy from Sand. You know, the one who confessed his love for you?”

Sasuke’s ears perked up at this. Confessions of love to Sakura? From a Suna shinobi? It was preposterous. 

Sakura blushed down to her neck and nodded quickly. “Oh right the one with the intestinal damage? What was his name? Sumere?” 

The rest of the table fell silent as Ino gaped at her. 

“Sakura, his name was Morio. He handed you a love letter in the medical tent during the war.”

Sakura choked on her drink. “Right! That’s who I was talking about, silly me I just mixed up his name with another patients. What’s he doing here?”

Ino put her elbows on the table and eyed Sakura suspiciously. 

“Morio didn’t have any intestinal damage.”

“I treat a lot of patients every day, Ino-Pig.”

“And how many of them have confessed their love for you?”

Sakura sputtered for a moment before the table burst into hysterics. Naruto was the first to form a coherent sentence. 

“Sakura-chan, how many patients have confessed their love for you?”

Sakura fiddled with her necklace before answering. “Everyone knows that people like to fall in love and get married and have babies after war! So it’s really not that unusual that someone wakes after surgery all loopy and high and feels a little extra grateful towards the doctor that saved their life.”

“How many?” Tenten asks, only egging Ino and Naruto on. 

“I don’t keep track, there are people dying here! I’m too busy for any of that!”

“Oh really? Because I told Morio where we’d be tonight, and if he wanted to stop by you’d consider giving him a second chance.”

Sakura dropped her head into her hands. “Ino, you can’t be serious. This is so not the time for me to be getting into a relationship.”

“But it’s the perfect chance for you to blow off some steam with a man who is due back in Suna next week.” Ino raised her eyebrows. 

Sakura opened her mouth as if she was going to speak, but hesitated. “I don’t know, I—” 

She was cut off by the sound of someone entering their private room. A man with black hair and dark eyes stood awkwardly, glancing towards Sakura. Her face grew even more red before she stood and walked over to the stranger. She pushed him to head out the door, but he held his ground. They were talking in low tones but Sasuke urged his ears to pick up what they were saying. 

“Morio, it’s nice to see you. Wouldn’t you like to talk outside?”

He shook his head. “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable.” 

Sakura threw a glance over her shoulder at the same time that the entire table pretended to be looking anywhere but at the pair. 

“They’ll be listening, you know.”

Morio grinned. “I would be honored to be the center of attention from a group of war heroes.” 

Sakura shook her head slowly as a small smile appeared on her face. It looked familiar and it made Sasuke’s stomach twist uncomfortably. 

“What do you want, Morio?”

“I know you mentioned of someone else holding your heart back at the medical tent, when I gave you that letter. But Ino mentioned that might have changed, that you might have made peace with that part of yourself. She told me I should try again.” He grabbed for her hand. “Would you like to try again, Sakura-chan?”

Sasuke watched as she pink haired girl twisted a piece of her around her finger. She seemed nervous, but not as uncomfortable as Sasuke would have expected given her earlier proclamations of having no interest. 

“Why don’t you have a seat with us? We’ve barely started our celebrations, and everyone should be welcome.” Sakura grabbed his hand and plopped him down between herself and Naruto. 

Sasuke spent the rest of the night analyzing the complex bonds the group seemed to form during his absence. It was obvious that while they were all close, the relationships between the separate teams remained the strongest. They were all grouped together, turning to each other and laughing at things that made no sense to Sasuke. It wasn’t just that they weren’t humorous, but they were flat out bizarre. 

Team 7 was the exception, with the outlier being Morio, who was way too happy as he chatted with Sakura. She became more and more enamored with their conversation as the night went on. He watched as Sakura moved closer, touched his arm, his hand, his cheek. She laughed harder and harder until it was genuine. 

Of course, it could have been the drinks. Despite the fact that they were all under age, the war heroes of Konoha were given a special treat, this night only. They had rented out the room and were given unlimited alcohol. Certain people, such as Naruto and Kiba seemed to be taking far too much advantage of that. He noticed that the girls always seemed to have something in their hands, but none of them seemed near as intoxicated. 

Sasuke of course abstained. He would not, and probably would never purposely inhibit his senses. This allowed him to watch freely and silently from a corner. It was informative at first, but after he gathered what he deemed important intel from the group he was ready to leave. Unfortunately for him, it was past his curfew and he would have to wait to be escorted by one of his teammates. He looked around to assess who he should narrow in on. 

Naruto was not an option, as he swayed dangerously Hinata righted him with a giggle. He was way too drunk to take care of himself, never mind take Sasuke back to his apartment without attempting to detour him. 

Sai was wrapped in a sickeningly intimate embrace with Ino. Sasuke fought the urge to roll his eyes. Clearly he would get nowhere with him. 

He turned towards Sakura then. She was still sitting in her spot from dinner with Morio practically in her lap. Sasuke could have sworn they had started out a few feet apart, but after a few hours they had nearly began sharing the same seat. 

He had been paying pretty close attention to Sakura, so he knew there had been no sexual advances made on the kunoichi. Yet. 

That was good news for Sasuke, because that meant she was free to take him back. He stood and placed himself behind Morio, directly in her line of sight. 

She was laughing, tears pooling in her eyes as they shot up to meet Sasuke’s. He didn’t say anything, merely waited for her to catch on. Her shoulders slumped once she realized. 

“Already? The nights barely begun.” 

“Aa.”

She moved to stand up and then turned to Morio. 

“I have to go. Thank you for tonight.” She placed a hand over his and flashed a genuine smile. 

She was beginning to walk away and join Sasuke when Morio called her name. 

“Sakura-chan, can I see you again?”

Sakura’s expression remained the same, but Sasuke noticed the way her shoulders straightened at the question. 

“Maybe you can come by my office tomorrow after your check up and we can talk.” Sakura didn’t wait for his reply, simply turned away and sauntered out the door.

Sasuke fell into step beside her on the street. They walked in silence for a few blocks, Sasuke taking in her soft smile and rosy cheeks that only confirmed her state of inebriation. 

“You stayed longer than I thought you would.”

“Aa.”

“But I was kind of hoping you would ask Naruto to take you home.”

“Dobe was wasted.” 

Sakura gave him a hard glance. “I was hoping to be in his spot in just a few hours.” 

“A medic of your stature should know the dangers of drinking in excess in their teenage years.” He didn’t turn to look at her, he didn’t need to. He could tell by her harsh breaths that her temper was rising. 

“I just spent the past 16 hours in the hospital, so I think I earned this night to let loose and not care.” 

“If you spent so much time healing others today then it’s pertinent you go home and get your rest, instead of flirting with some no name nin from Suna.”

Sakura stepped in front of him and halted his movements. “Is that what this is about?”

Sasuke knew if he attempted to go around her she would simply block him. If he tried to push past, surely the ANBU would be on him for assault. So he opted to stand there silently. 

“There’s two ways we can do this, Sasuke.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper and the fall winds whipping around them made him lean in closer to hear. 

“You can spite me for not being in love with you anymore, even though we both know you aren’t ready.” She stepped closer, dipping her head until her green orbs were looking straight into his. “Or, we can move on and try to build a friendship. One where you aren’t quite so condescending. Maybe you could even get to know who I am.”

Sasuke couldn’t look away from her, couldn’t pull away from her warmth on the blustery night. It was confusing and a reminder that he had no control over emotions, most of which he hadn’t felt in years. 

Which is why he pushed down his irritation to give her a sincere look of acceptance, before side stepping her and heading forward.


	2. Big Moves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter bc it was already written, but I don’t normally update this quickly so I apologize for that. 
> 
> A few notes:
> 
> Neji is still alive in this fic bc I love him  
Sakura is my queen
> 
> Enjoy reading!

Sasuke’s apartment was broken into four times before Kakashi decided to intervene. He was not allowed to set any traps, so he was left with just civilian locks to defend his belongings. Obviously that wasn’t working. No real damage was done, but the message being sent was clear. 

“There are still many people upset that you were pardoned, clearly.” Kakashi was leaning heavily on his desk that was otherwise covered in paperwork. “The best solution I can come up with is to move you in with high ranking shinobi. This way they will be able to have their own defenses, and if anyone tries to break in, they will be able to help secure the place. It’s a safety measure, that way no one can accuse you of attacking unrightfully. You will otherwise be unaffected. In addition, this will help settle some of the backlash I have experienced from the elders. They will assume there are more eyes watching you.”

“Tch.” Unaffected? He was about to have his entire life uplifted and planted down to live in the presence of strangers. Only in Konoha would he have to worry about being accused of attacking someone while they broke into his apartment. He knew better than to argue, though. He was paying the price for his past. If he wanted redemption, really and truly, he had to take all the consequences in stride. 

Kakashi’s eyes closed in what Sasuke could only assume was a smile. “Don’t worry, though. We’ll be sure to find you suitable roommates.”

So that was how he found himself in a four bedroom apartment with the other members of team 7. Kakashi had said this was the idea the elders had come up with that was best suited. It had become clear to Sasuke, after watching Naruto move in four boxes of ramen, that the elders were still not his biggest fan. 

Sakura and Sai, though they insisted didn’t mind the new arrangements, had waited until the absolute last moment to move their belongings in. 

At first he thought this was a convoluted plan of Naruto and Sakura to ensure Sasuke was getting proper social interactions, but upon seeing their shock as they were all informed in the Hokage’s office, he realized this really was coordinated by the higher ups in the village. 

He imagined the elders would find it easier to keep an eye on his mental stability now that he was so much closer to the center of town. His visibility had significantly increased and he stiffened at the thought. 

His musings were interrupted by the entrance of Sakura and Ino to the living room. Neither seemed to mind his presence, continuing on with their conversation. 

“He was supposed to be a man for sex and sex alone, Forehead. What are you doing starting a relationship with him?”

Sakura, who was grabbing boxes from the entryway as if they weighed nothing, merely shrugged. “He’s a super sweet guy and I figure if Shikamaru and Temari can keep a relationship steady when she’s all the way in Suna, I could give it a shot too.”

“Ino stop spreading rumors. Temari and I are not dating!” The black haired ninja’s voice rang out from a bedroom near the back. 

Sasuke turned away to avoid the conversation. It was trivial and pointless and held no advantage for him if he continued to listen. So he moved to his bedroom where hopefully he could get a few minutes of silence. 

He knew there were worse options than the one he had been given. They could have chosen to room him with Kiba and his band of mutts. Or they could have stuck him with the group of ANBU that were currently surrounding his every move. He hadn’t yet decided if strangers were a better or worse option though. 

He was folding his shirts and putting them into his dresser when there was a knock at his door. Sakura appeared at the entrance with Naruto standing over her shoulder. 

“We’re gonna order some food. We haven’t finished unpacking the kitchen yet and truthfully, even between the four of us it doesn’t seem like we have many pots, pans or utensils so we might have to make a trip out tomorrow…” she was rambling, and Sasuke could tell by her stiff stance that she was nervous. He didn’t want to feel guilty about the position he had put his team in. They had spent weeks sleeping together during missions, really this shouldn’t seem any different, if anything it should be considered an upgrade. 

But it was different, and it was all because of him. Irritation flared and he threw them a hard look, hoping to be left alone. Unfortunately for him, glares that would send most people running had no effect on these two, who clearly had a death wish. They seemed intent on waiting until he replied. 

“Aa,” he answered before turning back to his clothes. 

“This could be a good thing, you know. The teams back together, maybe a lot closer than we originally intended but… let’s make the best of it, okay Sasuke?” 

“Hn.” He just wanted them to leave already. Why did Sakura have to make the best out of everything? Some things just sucked and it was exhausting to be so close to someone who insisted on finding a bright side to anything. 

“Teme, we’re all unpacking the kitchen. And when I say all, I mean you too. Sakura-Chan was trying to politely invite you, but after that I’m just forcing you. So let’s go, before I come in and pick you up and drag you out.”

It wasn’t fair, really. Sasuke was absolutely not allowed to fight anyone, and that included his idiot teammates. So when they put him in positions like this, he really didn’t have a choice. It was either wait here silently and hope they’d walk away (they wouldn’t) or give in and just go. So he stood, ignoring the smug look on Naruto’s face and followed them out to where Sai was unpacking a box of tea cups. 

“Ugly, why do you have so many cups but never use them? Your apartment was always littered with paper ones.”

Sakura sputtered. “I use those too! It’s just that I've been home so little lately. In fact I had to skip out on a bonus shift at the hospital just to move in today.”

“You’re working too hard, Sakura-chan. Your body is going to collapse soon.” 

Sakura shrugged. “I know my own limits, Naruto. I promise if that happens I’ll make it home in time.”

Sasuke’s head popped up when she said that. Sure, they were all going to live here now, but to hear her call it that…

He didn’t know if it was unsettling or comforting. He just knew he was home. 

—

The next few weeks passed in mostly comfortable peace. It was odd to wake up in the morning and see coffee already made in the kitchen, or to come home to someone else reading a book on the couch that was previously in his apartment, but mostly he kept to himself. 

They had decided that they would all get together once a week and have dinner. Camaraderie was super important to the Team 7 that had formed while Sasuke was gone, and they wanted him to become apart of it. 

So he was sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by take out containers and the laughter of his housemates. He still didn’t understand why everyone laughed so much but the easy going environment was welcomed. He sat silently, observing the others, curious to see the dynamic between the three. 

He found that, despite Sai’s odd speech and mannerisms his teammates were quite fond of him. In the year they were together they had spent a lot of time outside of the village, and opportunities like those always led to bonding. He could still remember warm nights by the fire and target practice in the middle of the woods during longer missions. There was nothing quite like it, so he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Part of him was bothered by it. Even though Sasuke has virtually nothing in common with the pale man sitting next to him, he felt as if he was replaced, in more than just the teammate form. It was a selfish thought, of course. He had spent the past four years completely avoiding these two while they chased him all over the country. He always had the impression that their lives would never move forward; that they would always hang on to Sasuke coming home and being happy about it. 

At the time it was pointless. He was too caught up in hatred and revenge and it was never going to happen. Their hope and misplaced faith had been nothing more than a nuisance because it seemed like he couldn’t leave Orochimaru’s base without them following him. But now he was back, and he realized he couldn’t have been more wrong.

While they had always waited for him, they didn’t stay stagnant. They moved forward, forged new bonds, got new team members, fell out of love. All things he missed out on and could never take back. He swallowed against the sudden dryness in his throat. 

After the first “family dinner” as Naruto called it, Sasuke decided he could deal with one night a week. The others were so busy and he barely saw them, so it was nice to be able to catch up on the intel of the outside world. Sasuke was still on strict probation orders for another 10 months, but he wasn’t going to stay blind to the political world outside his surroundings. 

—

Sasuke was up early this morning. Mostly because he was recently given extra hours to spend outside of the apartment and he intended to take full advantage of that. Unfortunately, his free hours began just as the sun was rising, so as much as he hated waking up early, he really didn’t have a choice. 

What he wasn’t expecting was to see one of his roommates already in the kitchen. From the angle he was standing he could only see Sakura’s back, cloaked in her red shirt. But by the feel of the room he knew there was someone else there, and that it wasn’t a member of team 7. 

The moment he stepped fully into the room he wished he would have just gone straight out the door. Who needed breakfast anyways? Not Sasuke, certainly not after seeing the kunoichi in a passionate liplock with the Suna nin. 

“I believe you have a bedroom for these activities.” His tone was icy and the startled couple jumped apart at it. Sakura turned and looked at him guiltily. Her cheeks were stained red, which highlighted the dark circles under her eyes. 

“Sasuke! Sorry, I didn’t think anyone else would be awake. I just got off a night shift and Morio came in from his village not long ago and we were just saying hello before he reported to the Hokage.” 

“Neither of you even sensed my presence,” he noted dryly. 

“Not everyone is as paranoid of a sneak attack in their home as you.” Sakura crossed her arms and glared into his eyes. He hated that she never shied away from the rinnegan. 

“Thinking like that will get you killed one day.” 

“If anyone comes into my home and kills me it will only be because I’ve roomed with an international criminal.”

“Tch.” And then he walked out the front door without so much as a goodbye. It was a low blow, but that wasn’t why he was so angry. It was true, the odds of any of his housemates getting killed because of their location and relationship with him was high. Which is why Sakura shouldn’t be carelessly making out in the kitchen! 

The headboard banging and moans coming from Sai’s room was hard enough to deal with, but at least he did that with the door shut. Who knows how far that would have gone if Sasuke hadn’t interrupted. Would they have fornicated on their shared kitchen table? Oh kami, the thought was almost too much to bare. 

After about an hour of wandering around the village running errands, Sasuke stopped by the training grounds. He wasn’t allowed to spar, but no one had ever said anything about watching. So that’s what he did, often. Most of the time it was Naruto and Sai, but today there was the addition of Sakura and the Suna nin. 

He watched them carefully, eager to see this man’s potential, especially against the opponents of team 7. Odds were he didn’t stand much of a chance, and Sasuke felt this even more solidly after him and Naruto paired off, heading in the opposite direction of Sai and Sakura. It seemed that Sakura’s favorite hobby was destroying whatever training grounds they used. 

In the end the stranger shinobi was no match for the jinchuuriki, but Sasuke was reluctant to admit he was impressed. The man held his own for longer than the average jonin normally would have. He wouldn’t say his abilities were jaw dropping, certainly not up to Sakura or Sai’s, but he could pass for a decent ninja. 

Sasuke continued watching as they switched partners, Sai moving over to Naruto after having an intense battle with Sakura that left him bruised and bloody around his shoulder. The stain was already dry as Sakura seemed to have healed whatever injuries were sustained. 

He was eager to watch the two spar. Sakura would come out on top, there was no doubt about that. But he had yet to truly see The kunoichi’s ability. She had been so busy at the hospital that she had rarely attended these practices. 

The Suna nin seemed to be familiar with Sakura’s battle style, because he immediately leaped backwards and out of sight. His fatal mistake though, was that he had hopped into a tree. Sasuke could practically feel the pink haired girl's grin as she slammed her fist into the ground and shattered the surrounding shrubbery to pieces. 

It was over quickly after that. Too quickly, Sasuke mused. This thought must have crossed Sakura’s mind as well, because just moments later she had punched the man clear across the field, nearly hitting Naruto in the back. She stormed away yelling profanities after checking to make sure no one had any serious injuries that needed immediate healing. 

“I’m going to the hospital, and I swear if I see any of you there because of injuries related to this training I will lecture you the entire time I heal you, so don’t do anything stupid.” It was an odd threat, but having sat through a med ninja lecture on more than one occasion, he knew how serious the statement was. 

Sasuke frowned as the boys shied away in fear. Back to the hospital? Hadn’t she just said a few hours ago she was just coming home from a shift? Something wasn’t right, and he was ready to find out what it was. 

He landed next to her silently. Her shoulders stiffened but otherwise gave no acknowledgement of his presence. 

“He let you win.”

Sakura sneered. “I would have beaten him anyways.”

“Why are you so bothered by it, then?” 

“He let me win because I’m a woman. Or he let me win because his ego is too big for me to actually beat him. Either way, it’s sexist and I don’t have time for that shit.” Her pace picked up as her anger increased. 

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “I told you not to worry about me. I will make it home before I collapse, I always do.”

“I’m not talking about your chakra levels.”

“And I’m not in the mood for puzzles, so why don’t you just spit it out?” She turned to him with a hard glare that he didn’t think he’d get used to, no matter how much time passed. There was still so much he didn’t know about this Sakura and it unsettled him greatly. 

“I’ve yet to see you sleep since we’ve all moved in together. When I wake up you’re already gone and when I go to sleep you still haven’t come back.” He wanted to say come home, but it wouldn’t sound right. He still wasn’t convinced this was a permanent move for him, that he would be able to adjust back to Konoha. 

Sakura glanced down at her now shuffling feet before answering. “I get what I need. People are still dying, still waking up screaming because they think they’re on the battlefield. The hospital needs me, not only because I’m talented but also because I’m strong. Most of them weren’t on the battlefield so they don’t know.” She took a deep breath. “They think this is bad. These injuries are worse than what they see on a normal basis, but it’s nothing compared to the people I tried to heal during the war.” 

He understood now, but he waited for her to continue. By the set of her mouth he knew she wasn’t done; this was something she needed to get out. 

“They don’t have the mental resolve to deal with this day in and day out. But I do. Me, Tsunade-shishou and Shizune know what it was like back there. This? This is a cakewalk and we can handle it.” 

They had reached the hospital then, and Sakura scurried forward with a mere wave while Sasuke stood taking in her words. 

Sakura had called herself strong. This kunoichi’s confidence in herself were on par, especially since she had the ability to back it up. He took a mental note of Sakura’s mental resolve. Sometime soon, she would crack. Not permanently, but for a moment, just long enough for it to matter before she pulled herself back together. Someone needed to be there for her when it happened.


	3. Chakra Induced Trauma

It took four months into the new living arrangements for Sakura to break. 

She had come home late, stumbling through the door frame. Sai and Naruto were both asleep, but Sasuke was sitting in the living room with a book perched on his lap. The fact that he hadn’t sensed Sakura’s chakra combined with her unusually clumsy entrance had him racing towards the entryway. 

She was leaning heavily against the wall, pink hair glued to her sweaty face. She glanced at him with dead eyes, a forced smile on her lips. 

“Told you I’d make it home first.” Then she collapsed. Sasuke was there to catch her, to bring her to her bedroom and watch over for any indications of complete chakra depletion. 

He wasn’t a medic. He had suffered from his own share of chakra induced sickness, but taking care of someone else was a completely different situation. He did not know Sakura’s limits, did not know how hard she had pushed herself and also was not sure how long she was allowed to sleep before he should be concerned. 

So he sat at her bedside, focusing on her breathing and finding peace in her steady pulse. Eventually he felt reassured enough to return back to the living room and pretend to read. 

She was still sleeping seven hours later when Naruto walked into their shared living space. Sasuke was seated on the couch, which had a direct view into the kunoichi's room. 

“What are you still doing home? You’re never here during your free hours.”

Sasuke stayed silent, but pointed his head towards the open door. Naruto nodded in understanding. 

“That took a lot longer than I expected. What was the over under again?”

Sasuke glared in return. 

Naruto shrugged. “I’m pretty sure Sai won that bet, man he’ll be so ecstatic once he wakes up!”

“You’re celebrating another teammates collapse, you do realize that?”

Naruto sobered at the statement. “She pushes herself too hard. I know she’ll recover but I’m worried she’ll try and make her shift at the hospital tonight.”

“Maybe you should inform the head staff of her current state.”

He nodded and then disappeared in a blur. Sasuke turned back to look at the sleeping figure while the sun rose through her open blinds. He stood up and walked silently to shut the light out. 

—

Sakura awoke to an intense pounding in her head. She flipped onto her back, pushing her bangs away from her sweaty forehead. She had no idea what time it was because her blinds were shut, and when she tried to raise her head up to check the clock her body violently protested. 

Low chakra; go figure, she thought to herself. 

Last night had been hell. By now the most gory of war injuries had been dealt with, which is why she was so caught off guard when a group of ANBU were rushed in, trailing blood behind them. 

She had worked endlessly for hours, ignoring the tight knot in the pit of her stomach until she had saved the two that had been delegated to her. By the time the surgery was over she had depleted her chakra to next to nothing and was on the verge of falling asleep in her bloody hospital clothes. She considered going to rest in her office, but remembered that she now shared an apartment with her boys and if she didn’t return they would worry. 

On top of that, she had made a promise. She could make it home. She knew her limits better than anyone and she was so tired of people attempting to tell her what she was capable of. So after changing back into her street clothes she trudged back to the apartment, feet dragging the entire time. When she entered the door and saw Sasuke she knew she had only made it through sheer willpower. It didn’t matter though, she had shown him. She had won. 

Victory was bitter on her tongue as she lifted herself into a sitting position. Her throat felt thick and she yearned for a glass of water. She could hear movement in the living area. Did she dare show herself in this state? She could just hear her teammates annoying voices as they lectured her about pushing herself too far. 

Regardless, she stood and carried herself forward. She was a medic so she knew food and hydration were both imperative to a quick recovery. 

Sasuke was sitting on the couch and she found herself eye to eye with him as he scanned her lazily. Without a word he tossed something towards her. She snatched it from the air and turned it over in her hands slowly. A protein bar. 

“If you can keep that down then you can eat something else.” He nodded towards the coffee table. “Water. Drink it.”

It took everything in Sakura not to stomp her feet like a child. “I can take care of myself.”

“If not for me you’d still be on the ground by the door.”

She stuck her chin out stubbornly. “What’s so bad about that?”

He glared at her sharply before turning back to the book in his lap. “Eat the bar.”

“I will eat whatever I want.” 

Despite her words, she sat down and unwrapped the food. Unfortunately, Sasuke was right. When chakra depletion was this severe it could cause other issues, such as: headaches, nausea, fever, body aches and vomiting. So far she could check four out of five of those symptoms off the list. She ate slowly despite her raging hunger and took tiny sips of water. It didn’t stop her from running to the bathroom ten minutes later. 

Sasuke stood at the entrance, leaning against the door. Sakura turned to him with fire in her eyes. 

“Can’t a girl throw up alone?”

“You are ill.”

“Then let me be ill in silence.”

He said nothing more, but didn’t retreat. He simply waited for her to crawl off the floor and followed her into the living room. When she was sitting on the couch with her head in her hands, Sasuke went to the kitchen. She listened to glass clinking and a tea kettle whistling as she tried to calm her roiling stomach. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d ended up like this, but it had been a while. The last time had been just before Naruto returned to the village. She was out of commission for over a week and she seriously thought she was dying. This time wouldn’t be like that. She would focus on recovering and wouldn’t whine. She wouldn’t waste an ounce of energy on anything that didn’t contribute to her wellbeing. 

She lifted her head as a teacup appeared in front of her, gaze then lifting to meet Sasuke’s. 

“Ginger.”

She nodded and took it in her palms. Good for nausea, she thought as the warmth sent a shiver down her spine. A blanket landed next to her with a thud against the leather couch. Sasuke settled on the chair next to her, eyes focused on the book he held in his right hand. 

“The hospital has been informed that you are not well. Tsunade has called you off for the next week.”

“I do not need a week! I will be back in two days.” She slammed the teacup down, flinching as the hot liquid splashed onto her hands. 

“You have been barred for the hospital.”

Her jaw dropped. “You got me banned from my workplace?”

“For the week.”

“You have got some nerve, Uchiha!”

“You will recover properly.”

She stood on shaky legs then, too disgusted to stay in the room any longer. “How dare you come back and act like you care about me right now when tomorrow you’ll probably just light up a chidori and put it through my chest for real this time.”

She stomped away then, slamming her door so hard the floor vibrated. 

—

Screams were not unusual inside the apartment. 

Sasuke often felt himself being jerked awake by the hands of one of his roommates as he relived some of his worst memories in his sleep. 

Naruto would toss and turn for a long time before coming to. Nothing they tried had succeeded in breaking him from his reverie any quicker. He often dreamed of a world where they lost the war; a world where everyone had ceased to exist. 

Sai suffered in silence for the most part. The first time Sasuke had woken up in the middle of the night to find him pacing the living room floor he was sure he was sleepwalking. But when Sai’s head jerked up and relief flooded his face Sasuke understood. Sai wouldn’t reach out, but the comfort of another person’s presence was the best way to bring him back to the present. 

When the screaming woke Sasuke up two nights after Sakura was banned from the hospital, he immediately thought of Naruto. Sai never made any noise, so it had to be him. 

But once he reached the living room and was more awake, he realized it was coming from Sakura’s room. He hesitated, hand on her doorknob for only a moment before he pushed forward. She was tangled in her bedsheets and the shrieks continued to pour out of her mouth. He leaned over and shook her lightly, nothing. He shook her harder and longer until she popped up with a yell. She looked around anxiously and Sasuke took a step back, waiting to see how she would react. 

She stayed still for a while when her eyes landed on him, but eventually she moved a shaking hand to push her bangs out of her eyes. 

“There was blood and bodies everywhere. They were piling on top of me begging to be saved until I was suffocating beneath them. Killed by the people I couldn’t make it to.” Tears were silently rolling down her cheeks. 

Everyone in the apartment had their fair share of flashbacks and nightmares. Everyone, except Sakura. Whom Sasuke had never seen asleep before. 

“These are reoccurring.”

She nodded. “If I had more time and more hands I could have saved them. I had the chakra but there were just so many. People asking me to let them live, telling me about their wives or husbands or children with their last breath. People looking on as I made the decision to go towards the person who wasn’t so close to death.” She was sobbing now, breaths coming out in pants and her entire body shaking from the action. 

“I let them die. So many of them.” She looked into his eyes. “I made that decision.”

“Every decision you made was calculated.” 

“That’s bullshit, you know. There’s nothing scientific about the bloodbath I witnessed. They put their trust into my hands and I let them die.” 

He kneeled on the edge of her bed. “Without you they would all be dead.” 

She shook her head. “I wasn’t the only medic out there.”

“You helped take down Kaguya.” Her head snapped up at that. 

“We all have regrets.”

She wiped her face with the back of her palm and sighed. “I wish I could go to the hospital right now.”

“These thoughts will not disappear, even if you do not sleep.” He stood up then. “Get some rest, Sakura. We will be here to wake you if it happens again.” He exited her room slowly and quietly, waiting for her to protest. 

He had never considered that Sakura might be suffering from the same types of dreams that the other three had. Her bright demeanor had spoke nothing about the atrocities she had witnessed during the war, but it made sense. 

Sakura was both a medic and a shinobi during the war. She had witnessed both sides of battle. She had watched her comrades fall and then had to go and decide which ones she would be able to save. Too few, he realized. Sakura was praised as a hero in her own right because of her amazing medic skills but to her it was just rubbing salt in the wound. If she was so amazing, she should have saved more. That’s what Sakura had been thinking this whole time. How had she gone so long hiding these dreams?

He thought about her long shifts, the circles and bags under her eyes that he had eventually decided were just apart of her, souvenirs from the war. At one point he had wondered if she had grown too thin, but her ability to smash mountains had him dismissing the thought. If she was able to fight and train, then there was no reason to be concerned of her physical state. 

He wanted to go back to his bedroom, but his mind was racing as he connected the dots that had been glaring into his rinnegan. Sakura had barely even tried to hide her trauma from the war. How had he not noticed?

The floor creaked behind him as Naruto stepped out of his room, rubbing his eyes. 

“Was that you?”

Sasuke didn’t answer at first. It really wasn’t his place to tell.

“It has been taken care of.”

“Was it the massacre, or the war?” Naruto plopped down next to him. 

“Does it matter what caused it? I don’t want to talk about it.” He stood up, walking to the kitchen to make tea. If he wasn’t going to sleep anymore then he was going to enjoy a hot beverage. 

“They say it is good to talk about it.” Sai appeared from the shadows of his room. “At the clinic, that’s what they say.” He glanced between the two. 

“You have no room to give advice, you won’t tell us anything.” Naruto scooted to make room for Sai; he always sat on the right. It didn’t feel weird before, but after acknowledging the movement Sasuke found himself in awe that they had become comfortable enough with their living situation to actually have preferred spots on the couch. 

“Which is why I am going to the clinic.” Sai glanced down at his hands. “They are not getting better.”

Sasuke came back as Naruto placed a sympathetic hand on the pale nin’s shoulder. He set down four teacups and the kettle on the table. 

The pair glanced at him, and then switched their eyes to the pink haired girl that was peeking out from behind her door. He couldn’t see her, but he knew what she was feeling. Isolated, desperate for human contact. It wasn’t his right to push, but he was offering. When she joined them he felt the tension in his shoulders release slightly. 

No one said anything while Sasuke poured the tea. They sat in a miserable silence that was more comforting than anything else. There was something reassuring about being surrounded by other people who understood you, even when words failed to explain that. 

They had won the war. They had all survived and yet they were haunted by what that meant. They had to walk by the monuments of the dead, see the mourning families dressed in black and deal with the aftermath of the shinobi population practically being decimated. 

“Some nights I’m not okay.” Sakura’s hands were shaking but her voice was steady. She raised her eyes to meet Naruto’s and then Sai’s. “I get these dreams that feel so real, like you guys.

“If you guys would have been seriously hurt on the field, I would have done anything to save you. I turned away from some because of their injuries being too fatal, but if I saw you guys on the ground, I would have let other people die so I could save you.”

Naruto stood and wrapped his arms around her. 

“We’re only human, Sakura-chan. We just go on instincts sometimes.”

She nodded and closed her eyes tightly as tears slid down her cheeks. 

“I’m not a good enough medic to put practice before my heart.” She sounded ashamed, as if she had failed in this hypothetical situation. 

Naruto pulled back but held onto her shoulders. 

“Sakura-chan, I chased after Sasuke for four years and then agreed to die with him just so he wouldn’t be so damn angsty.” He paused. “Even after he tried to kill us both.”

It was silent for a moment before the laughter broke out. All of the sudden the four of them were bent over, giggles filling the room and breaking the tension. Sasuke couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed, especially at a joke at his own expense. 

It was the first night of a new tradition, but they hadn’t known it at the time. Each time screams or sobs filled the apartment, after the person had calmed down they would meet in the living room while someone assembled the tea. Some nights they would sit in silence and others they would talk until the sun rose. They would laugh more often than not, but sadness and anger always had a place in that setting. 

The conversations weren’t always trauma related. Some nights it was too much; it hung heavy in the air and they didn’t need to discuss it, they needed to avoid it. 

The next morning, if they went to bed at all, they would act as if nothing had happened. No one needed to mention what it was they were doing. It was just automatically understood that the presence of each other was the best way to feel peace after the trauma hit too hard. 

Sasuke hadn’t had a family in years. He had been a child when his family was killed and had been searching for his place in the world ever since. Back in the day, he could almost had considered team 7 one. They were the closest he had come; the ones who never left his side. But he had disappeared too soon and there was too much hatred in his heart. 

He couldn’t call his housemates family. It wouldn’t feel right coming out of his mouth. He wasn’t good with words and was just beginning to understand the emotions he was that flowed freely. 

But he could think it.


	4. Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write, which is why it has been so long. I already have the next two chapters mostly written, but this one needed to get published first! So sorry it’s so short but I hope you enjoy!

One year after the war

“You have met the expectations of probation that were set forth one year ago. Despite the weariness of the council, I, Hatake Kakashi, sixth Hokage of Konohagakure hereby lift you of your probationary status. You may begin training with weapons and comrades as a full status shinobi of the Jonin rank.” He closed his eye in a smile. “You will be assigned missions in three weeks, make sure you are ready.”

“Aa.” And then he turned to leave, pretending like his hands weren’t shaking and blood wasn’t pounding in his ears. 

He had made it through probation without any combat training. Of course he was still active and in excellent shape, but it didn’t fill the void the way punching somebody did. He tightened his fist in anticipation, wondering if he could convince Naruto to hit up the training fields. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the presence of his roommates/teammates. They didn’t ask how the meeting went, merely crushed him in a group hug and began loudly talking, as if he was standing miles away. 

“We’re celebrating. Tonight. You literally can’t say no, it’s your party.” 

“No.”

Sakura, who was jumping up and down in excitement, halted in her movements and frowned. “But Sasuke we want to congratulate you properly.”

“You all just want an excuse to be careless. My return to active duty will not be it.”

“Teme, listen.” Naruto grabbed him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes— did no one fear the sharingan anymore?

“You are our teammate and soon we will all go on missions just as we used to. If you don’t think that’s something to celebrate, I’m not sure you should have passed your mental health test.”

This was a losing battle, he realized. “Tch.”

It was all the assurance the blonde needed. Naruto and Sai high fived while Sakura punched her fist into the air. 

“Just a small get together at the apartment. It’s gonna be so fun!”

—

The “small” get together turned out to be the entire Rookie nine and Team Gai. Sasuke had never tried to keep up with the ninjas outside of his team, so he wasn’t sure why they came to a party that was supposedly for him. Still, as he watched his teammates laugh and argue over an intense game of monopoly, he really couldn’t care less who was there. 

Naruto and Sakura were arguing over the amount of money owed on a property when Sai turned to him. 

“You knew everyone would be coming tonight.”

“Aa.”

“Yet you still let us throw you this party, even though you haven’t spoken a single word the entire time.”

Sasuke shrugged. What was there to say about that? Better to deal with the party now as opposed to having to deal with Naruto and Sakura sulking around the apartment for the next week. 

“So,” Ino began as she rolled the dice. “You guys have been living together for a while now. Time to give an honest review.” She eyed the four intensely 

“What do you wanna know?” Naruto asked with a furrowed brow. 

“What it’s like living full time together! The good, the bad and the intensely intimate!”

The last part rang out in Sasuke’s head as he thought about their trauma nights. For him, it didn’t get more intimate than that. All four sitting on one couch cushion, hugging and crying and comforting each other in a way that only comrades could do. He desperately hoped none of them would bring it up. 

“Sakura leaves her underwear on the bathroom floor sometimes.” 

“That was one time Sai, and it was after an 18 hour surgery!”

“They were neon yellow.” Sai shuddered, earning a whack upside the head from Sakura. 

“Sai washes his clothes twice before wearing them.” Sakura stuck her tongue out in his direction. 

Shikamaru wrinkles his nose. “Twice?”

“Twice the clean.” 

That seemed to be the only explanation Sai was willing to supply, so the lazy nin shrugged and turned away. 

Choji nodded his head, as if something insightful had been said. 

“No dirt on Naruto or Sasuke?” Ino was out for blood tonight, Sasuke thought.

Sakura shrugged. “Naruto doesn’t have any secrets. All his weird habits are out for everyone to see. And Sasuke…” she trailed off. 

“Sasuke eats too many vegetables,” Naruto volunteered. 

Sakura nodded quickly. “An obscene amount.”

This wasn’t a topic Sasuke wanted to talk about, especially since the focus was now on him. He had to move it forward.

“Sakura sings while she cooks dinner. Naruto always makes ramen on his nights, and Sai always brings home take out on his turn.”

Lee’s brow furrowed. “You guys eat dinner together every night?”

“Well,” Sai began, “not every night. Sometimes we’re out on missions or Sakura is at the hospital.”

“But if you’re all home?”

“Then why wouldn’t we eat together?” Naruto tilted his head in confusion. 

Tenten shook her head. “You guys act more like family than roommates.”

“We are.” 

Sakura’s voice was strong and confident. Sasuke’s heart stuttered at the words and he had the strong urge to kick everyone out of the apartment and spend the rest of the night with his roommates, playing games and talking and being a family. 

But if he did that, everyone would know. They would know how much he cared, and he wasn’t quite ready for that. 

So instead, he lifted his glass in the form of a toast. 

“To being shinobi.”

The sound of the glasses clinking was too loud, but he was grateful to have the distraction so no one would look at his reddened face. 

—

Sakura was currently in the process of working poison out of her system. 

No, she was not going to die and no, she did not need anyone to braid her hair out of her face, thank you very much, Naruto. She just needed complete silence so that she could hear past her pounding headache and shaking hands.

She shouldn’t have gotten hit by that senbon anyways, and of course it was coated in poison. She was the medic for kami’s sake. She shouldn’t have been on the front lines. 

Except she really hated that rule and her teammates were getting their asses handed to them and she had to help those idiots out. The only reason she was sliced by the weapon was because she had to run forward to shove Naruto out of the way before it could puncture his heart. 

Luckily she had spent a great deal of time increasing her body’s resistance to common poisons, so she was able to finish the fight before the exhaustion hit. 

Unfortunately, she wasn’t completely built up against this one, so hours after the battle she still couldn’t gather enough chakra to eliminate it. She let out a sigh of frustration. 

“How hard is it to pay attention to the weapons flying at you, Naruto?” She was thirsty and her fever was spiking. She shivered violently as sweat dripped down her back. 

Naruto’s face crumpled. If she had a better bearing on her emotions she would have felt guilty. Instead she turned away and faced the river. 

“We should probably camp here for the night, unless your life is in imminent danger, Ugly.” 

Sakura shot a glare at Sai. “I am a poisons expert. You think there is any out there that can kill me?”

Sai’s eyes widened and he put his hands up in surrender. “I will go collect firewood. Naruto, you should come with me.” 

Her arm was snatched out of her lap as she watched the boys walk away. She glanced up to see Sasuke, a finger lightly pressed against the inside of her wrist. 

“Your heart rate is high, but steady. We’ll keep an eye on it.” 

“I am the team medic, Sasuke. I will decide if I am fine.” She paused, pretending to contemplate her state. “I am fine.”

Sasuke scoffed before settling down next to her, throwing his travel cloak around her shoulders. She wanted to send him a glare for reading her so easily, but she was too grateful for the extra warmth. 

“You shouldn’t be so rude to Naruto. He’s an idiot but he wasn’t trying to get poisoned.”

Sakura huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “He should be more aware of his surroundings.”

“You don’t need to be like that. Sure it was a dumb move, but he’s probably beating himself up enough for it. To see you like this…” Sasuke shook his head. 

“Like what?”

“You’ve been taking care of everyone for years. I’ve yet to see anyone do anything for you since I’ve come back.”

Sakura shrugged, tucking a tangled piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m a medic. It’s literally my job. Any injury I have is best healed by myself.”

“You’re strong.” 

Sakura wasn’t in love with Sasuke anymore. This was a fact, something she didn’t even think about anymore. Still, hearing her childhood crush acknowledge her power caused a blush to dot across her cheeks. Luckily the fever that already colored her face hid the embarrassment. 

“I’ve worked very hard. Thank you for noticing.” She swallowed against her dry throat. “It means a lot.”

“You’re strong,” Sasuke repeated. “So seeing you like this, it’s not normal. It’s even a little freaky. We have to take care of you right now. Kind of like old times.”

If Sakura wasn’t so tired she would have punched him straight across the clearing they were settled in. 

“Old Sakura never would have survived this. Don’t compare me to her.”

Sasuke gave her an odd look, one she couldn’t decipher. “You should be proud of where you came from.”

“What’s there to be proud about a weak girl who couldn’t carry her weight on her team?”

“What’s there to be proud about a missing nin who killed his own brother?”

Sakura thought on that for a moment. “You’re proud of it?”

“I’m proud of where I am today. If not for that, who knows where I’d be.”

“Dead.”

Sasuke looked at her, eyebrows raised. She was facing forward, trying to keep the ominous look on her face, but eventually a smile cracked through and laughter fell from her lips. Sasuke shook his head before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

“We’re okay with taking care of you sometimes, Sakura.” His voice was just a whisper now, vulnerable tone hard to hear. 

“You and Naruto saved my ass so many times back then. I never want it to be like that again.”

“It’s not. Not even close. Without you on our team we’re nothing.” The words rang loudly in her ears, repeating over and over again, so when he spoke again she had to concentrate to hear. “But you’re sick, and maybe you could just close your eyes and rest. We can take care of everything else.” His eyes met hers. “Just this once.”

She leaned her head on his shoulders, truly exhausted and partly glad to have it noticed so she could stop pretending like her body wasn’t begging for sleep.

“Just this once.” She repeated before drifting off. 

—

Sasuke had been frozen in place for hours. 

With Sakura leaning against him while she rested, he couldn’t move. He lived with this woman so he knew how little slept, and even more so how little good sleep she got. Glancing over now to see her mouth slightly open and her breathing even, he knew he couldn’t move and risk disturbing that. 

When Naruto and Sai returned, they didn’t say anything about the contact. He was grateful, because he didn’t have the energy to kill either of them and he definitely wasn’t ready to talk about what this meant to him. 

He wasn’t the type of person to willingly engage in physical contact, except for the vulnerable trauma nights. Those were different, though. No one would talk about those later on. This, though could easily be the topic of discussion for weeks if his friends so chose. 

But he had watched the weapon hit Sakura. He had heard her inhale of breath, saw her gritted teeth as the poison worked through her. For a moment, before he remembered how powerful Sakura is, he thought she would die. 

It was a moment he knew he would never be ready for; losing one of his teammates in active battle. But in that split second he thought it was going to destroy him. 

He pictured the apartment without Sakura; absent of her singing and clothes strewn across the living room floor. No floral shampoo scent in the bathroom after she showered and no pink hair clogging the drain. All things he had sworn at her for, but now he knew were not nearly as inconvenient as her death would be. 

He saw his life without Sakura, dark and dank and empty. Naruto was too much, Sai not enough and Sakura dragged the two in the middle with her, creating the perfect balance that Sasuke so desperately needed when he first came back, still needs even now. 

So he stayed put because Sakura deserved it. It wasn’t because he found comfort in the contact after her death scare, no definitely not. This was strictly a selfless act and he would remind her that he wasn’t a pillow when she woke up. 

For now, though he would lean against the tree and marvel at how her warmth seemed to seep into him despite the frigid winds, or how her breathing was lulling him to sleep. 

Being selfless in this way was different than what he was used to. But he could get used to it.


	5. Hebi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have tumblr you can follow me @sakutrash, which is an accurate username because I am absolute garbage for Haruno Sakura. I post my chapter updates there and it is a strictly Naruto only blog. I have fun and post all my ships (I ship everyone w everyone) and reblog the incredibly talented artwork. Thanks for reading and commenting!   
Also if you read my shikatema fic, just a side note that these two fics take place in the same universe!

1.5 years post-war

Sakura stormed into the apartment with the sizzling kind of energy that could fry an egg. She didn’t seem to notice that Sasuke was also home, sitting on the couch with his formal jacket still slung over his shoulder. She was muttering to herself and pacing up and down the kitchen, party dress flowing delicately around her ankles. With her hair pulled away from her eyes and something beside her hospital clothes on, she looked like a dream. But Sasuke knew; could tell from the expression on her face. She’s the stuff from nightmares at the moment. 

She turned to him suddenly, green eyes blazing. Sasuke side eyed his bedroom door, wondering if he could make it and jump out the window before Sakura knew what was happening. The chances weren’t good though, so he sat still and waited to see what she would do. 

“Of all the stupid things someone could do—” She plopped down next to him “—proposing to me on the way home from someone else’s engagement party?”

Sasuke said nothing. Frankly, he had no idea what she was talking about. 

She didn’t seem to mind his ignorance. She folded her legs under her and faced him head on, knees bumping his thigh. 

“We’re all happy for Neji and Tenten. Not that I would ever think about getting married this young but honestly it shouldn’t have even been a thought that crossed my mind as I celebrated my friends joy.” She shakes her head vehemently. “I’m drunk, in case you couldn’t tell. No one in the Hyuuga compound cares about alcohol age rules which seems so odd considering their normal demeanor but who cares? Not me, not when there’s unlimited sake.” 

Sasuke doesn’t bother to lecture her of the dangers of over consuming alcohol at her age, what was the point when she seemed to indulge just to spite him?

“So we’re walking back to the apartment and he just— he fucking takes my hand and slurs out this half-assed marriage proposal. I mean can you believe that, Sasuke?” She turned and gave him a quizzical look. 

“Aa.” The Suna nin was stupid. Sakura should have dumped him a year ago. Or never gotten together with him. 

Sakura sighed. “Why am I even talking to you about this? You don’t care about Morio or his recent dumping by me.”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows, but said nothing still. He simply turned to the side table and picked up his book. Sakura sighed and threw her legs over the arm of the couch. 

“Why are you always reading?”

“It’s good for the mind.”

“You’ve been off probation for months.”

“What does a book have to do with my punishments?”

Sakura shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I just thought you were always reading because you had nothing else to do. But I feel like if anything you read more than you used to.”

To that, he stayed silent. His probation had ended six months ago, a year after his return to Konoha. He was deemed both physically and mentally fit to be reinstated as a shinobi. It was a moment of pride, and life had significantly sped up since then. High rank independent missions kept him busy when he wasn’t on team missions with his roommates. 

“You’re using me as a distraction from your own problems.”

Sakura stuck her lower lip out. “You’re no fun.”

“Aa.”

“I can’t believe I ever thought I was in love with you.”

Sasuke set his book down in his lap with an amused look on his face. “Are you trying to take back your past affections?”

“Well I was so young at the time! I didn’t actually know what being in love meant. Not until I was actually in love.”

“With the Suna nin?”

She nodded. 

“Tch. You really live in your own world, don’t you?”

Sakura crosses her arms over her chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If that man would have defected from his village, what would you have done?”

Sakura hesitated. It was all the answer Sasuke needed. 

“Exactly.”

“You were different, Sasuke. You were— are my teammate. I would have done the same for Naruto.”

“You and Naruto had a much different relationship than you and I. Besides, you would have defected with me if I let you.”

Sakura shifted uncomfortably in her seat and glanced down at the ground. It was a touchy subject, apparently. The silence spread uncomfortably until she spoke once more. 

“Why did Morio defect? You know circumstances matter in this situation.”

“To get stronger in order to seek vengeance on his brother.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Morio doesn’t have a brother.”

“Your insistence to not answer says it all.”

“That I loved you more than Morio?” she answered doubtfully. 

“That you never loved him at all.”

“You don’t date someone for over a year and not love them.”

“And you don’t claim to love someone for 5 years and just decide one day that you don’t!” Somehow his voice had raised from his normal whisper level to a loud yell. She flinched back against it, mouth open and eyes wide. 

“You don’t love me, Sasuke.”

“I never said I did.”

“Then don’t hold me captive to the things I said when I was a young girl. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

They sat in silence for a while, long enough for Sasuke to pick his book back up and pretend to read. Sakura had been sitting with her head against the couch and eyes closed, though he knew she wasn’t asleep. 

“It bothers you that I’m not in love with you anymore?” 

He glanced over to see her expression open and curious. She deserved an honest answer. 

“I thought I knew you. From the moment I first saw you I had you all figured out. And ever since I’ve come back to Konoha and you took back your declaration I can’t figure you out.”

Sakura sat up straight, waiting for him to continue. 

“Some days we’re friends, and others all you do is glare and yell at me. You used to be so steady, so predictable. But not anymore.” She was an apartment floor before, smooth and steady and okay with people walking all over her. Now she was more like the ocean current. Pushing and pulling at her own will, strong and unpredictable in a way that scared people who didn’t understand her, and excited those that did. 

Sakura smiled. “If only I could tell my twelve year old self the truth. I bet I would have been able to stop you from leaving at all.”

Then she was up, flitting to her room with a simple smile, leaving Sasuke confused. 

He sat on the couch for a long time after that, waiting for his roommates to come stumbling through the door. They were piss poor drunk, slurring something about a mission assignment the next day, which Sasuke had heard nothing of and he was positive didn’t exist. After seeing them off to bed Sasuke was finally able to go to sleep. He had to know they were all safe before he could get any rest. 

—

Sakura’s hair had grown long. 

She hadn't cut it since before the war, partly because she didn’t have time but also because every time she considered it she remembered the fuzzy feeling she got when Morio complimented it. It was nearing her waist now. 

She was hit out of the tree she had been standing in, thoughts of her hair distracting her long enough to let Sasuke get a punch in. She gritted her teeth as she stared at her sparring partner. 

“Your focus is shit today.”

She stood up slowly. “Who trains the day after a party?”

Sasuke scoffed. “You’re the one who came and woke me up for this. The least you could do is pay attention.”

She pulled on the strands that had fallen out of her braid. Annoying, she thought as the wind blew her loose tendrils into her line of sight. 

And dangerous! She couldn’t possibly deal with it impairing her vision! Every argument she’d ever had for keeping it long suddenly seemed pointless. She glanced up at Sasuke. 

“Hand me your kunai, will you?”

Sasuke hopped to the ground and leaned against the tree. “We agreed no weapons.”

“And we both know that doesn’t mean you don’t have any on you.”

It was only a moment longer before he gave in and tossed the weapon over. She snatched it out of the air and positioned it against her hair. Sasuke stood up straight the moment the pink strands landed on the ground. 

“We have scissors at home, you know.” His voice sounded unsure.

She looked at him steadily, partly because she wanted to show him she hadn’t gone crazy, but also because she hadn’t felt this at peace in a long time. 

“Do you remember the chunin exams?”

He nodded. 

“The sound nin took me by the hair to show my femininity was weakness. And at the time I thought she was right, so I proved I was more than just a pretty girl by chopping it off. I kept it short because I never wanted to fall victim to a situation like that again.

“But then after the war I wanted so bad to feel something other than constant pain. Feminine was good because I hadn’t felt it in ages and why not? I’m a woman and a bad ass ninja, those things can exist at one time. 

“So I grew my hair out because what else could I do? Pretty girls have long hair and I wanted to feel pretty.”

Sasuke was enamored by her words, seeing into Sakura’s thought process for the first time had him hanging on every sentence. 

“But just now I realized my hair doesn’t have anything to do with my femininity or my beauty. It’s all a state of mind. I’m feminine because I want to be. I’m a bad ass ninja because I fucking worked hard. So fuck the stupid hair, I’m gonna do what I want.”

Sasuke nodded. “Do you want to keep it uneven too?”

Sakura felt the blush creeping down her neck. She hadn’t thought about what she actually looked like. She held the kunai out to him. 

“Fix it?” She put on her best puppy dog eyes until he sighed and walked over. 

They were mostly silent while he sat behind her. She was content to listen to the kunai as it easily stroked through her thin strands. 

“I like the hair,” he says awkwardly when finished. “It suits you. It always has.” 

Sakura nods before putting her headband back on. “Thanks, Sasuke. Do you want to keep sparring?”

“We should probably go check on the two idiots. They were wasted last night.”

“Then we should force them to train.” Her lips tightened into an evil smirk. “Nothing gets the alcohol out of your system like a good sweat.”

—

Sasuke’s old teammates were visiting. 

It was weird when they first showed up. They had been on opposite sides for so long and the only connection between team Taka and team 7 was Sasuke, but the the Sasuke they had known had been very different. 

After a period of time though, everyone warmed up to each other. Jugo was mostly content to stare out of windows, and seeing as Sakura had the best view he often ended up in her room. Suigetsu was rather funny and Sakura enjoyed watching his interactions with Karin. 

Karin had brought her unease at first. She knew what it was like to get into a competition over Sasuke before, but she was determined not to let that get in her way in forming a friendship with her. 

It wasn’t easy. Karin had been isolated from other girls her age for so long that she thought Sakura was tricking her. But after a while they grew to know one another, to laugh and poke fun at Sasuke when necessary. She was glad to have such a unique friend and connection to her teammates. 

Karin being an Uzimaki brought Naruto great joy. That meant that after the first few encounters, once Naruto had been made aware of this, things got even less uncomfortable. Naruto is an excellent buffer and he always managed to bring people to together. This was no exception. 

They were all getting together for lunch. Naruto had volunteered to cook, but seeing as they had ramen for dinner last night Sakura took over and began chopping up vegetables and starting the rice. She was humming contentedly, listening in on the conversation coming from the living room. She smiled when Karin came in and took the knife from her grasp. 

“You’re always the one who cooks lunch. Why don’t you ever have Sai or Sasuke do it?”

Sakura shrugged. “Sai refuses to cook and take out once a week really is more than enough for me. And Sasuke is the whole reason you guys visit. I couldn’t possibly make him cook when he should be spending time with you all.”

Karin chopped slowly and methodically before answering. “That might have been true at first, but we enjoy all of your company now. Sasuke was lucky to have people to come home to.”

Karin’s entire family was gone. It was a travesty and Sakura’s heart wrenched. “You have Suigetsu and Jugo,” Sakura pointed out. “And us, though from personal experience I know that bonds forged like the ones team Taka has are special.”

Karin’s eyebrows raised. “You say that as if your bonds are not.”

Sakura moved to put a wok on the stove. “That’s not what I mean at all. I just think that all relationships are different and unique. Team Taka and Team 7 are both special to Sasuke in very different ways.” 

“We were just a weapon for him, picked for our special abilities.” Karin’s tone wasn’t bitter, but there was a hint of sadness. 

“He’s a different man now. If he didn’t want you around, he would say so.”

Karin gave a genuine smile while she scraped the vegetables into the sizzling pan. “When I first met you that day I almost died, I thought we’d be sworn enemies. I could see how much you loved Sasuke and I cared for him too. I thought there was no way we could ever have a positive relationship.”

“Our changed feelings toward Sasuke probably helped with that.” 

Karin leaned against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. “Are you sure you aren’t in love with Sasuke anymore?”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Are you sure you’re not dating Suigetsu?”

Karin stomped her foot. “I swear to kami Sakura if you tell anyone about that I will kill you. It was just one time!”

“One time? If I recall correctly you told me he made you cum over and over and—”

“It was one night! One night and I got my fix and it hasn’t happened since.”

Sakura nodded. “Yeah because once a man gives you a solid orgasm you can totally just shut that sex part off and continue being friends.”

Sakura grabbed a handful of chopsticks and plates and headed towards the kitchen table to set it. 

“This isn’t about me! This is about you and Sasuke.”

“It’s been less than a week since I broke up with Morio, I’m not looking to date anyone, especially not Sasuke.”

“But you love him.”

Sakura turned on her sharply. “Loved. Past tense. If you can even call it that. It was more like an unhealthy obsession that I am happy to be rid of.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“You! The person who can’t leave well enough alone. I’m happy. Sasuke is happy. What more could anyone ask for after all we’ve been through?”

Karin shrugged guiltily before ladling food onto the plates. “I don’t know, I guess I just thought that after everything that happened you guys would come together.” She met Sakura’s eyes. “You’re good for him.” 

Sakura laid her hand over her friend’s. “We did come together. We’re good for each other, just not in the way I always thought. The four of us, we really need each other.” She squeezed roughly. “In a strictly platonic manner.”

Karin pulled back, flexing her fingers. “Yeah, well maybe one day.” Before Sakura could respond she was calling the boys to the table. 

Sakura huffed in annoyance as Karin pushed her down next to Sasuke, despite the fact that her seat was one over. Karin gave her an evil smirk and took up residence next to the pair, as far away from Suigetsu as she could get. 

“So, Sasuke, how is Konoha treating you?” Karin’s voice sounded mysteriously cheery. 

The man shot her the famous Uchiha blank stare before glancing at Sakura. She simply shrugged and began eating, not wanting to hear the direction this conversation was taking. 

“Are you dating anyone? I have a friend I’d like to set you up with.”

Sakura’s head shot up at that. Karin wasn’t seriously trying to set her up on a date with her roommate, was she?

“She’s got very unique hair and is an incredible kunoichi.”

Alright, Sakura had enough. Two could play this game. 

“Wow Karin that’s so kind. Perhaps Suigetsu and I could double date with them.” She turned towards the white haired nin, who was looking at her with bewildered eyes. “Sasuke on a date, that’s something you’d like to see, right, Suigetsu-kun?”

Suigetsu leaned in towards Naruto, who was eating messily, oblivious to the conversation. “What is going on?”

Sai shook his head but kept eating. “Girl stuff, I would just stay silent.” He lifted his eyes at Sasuke. “You, too.”

“But, Sakura how could you possibly date Suigetsu when you just broke up with your fiancé?”

Sakura tightened her grip on her chopsticks. “My boyfriend, Karin. The proposal answer was a hard no. Besides, if the rumors about Suigetsu in bed are true then I think he may be just what I—” she was cut off by Karin snatching her wrist and dragging her into her bedroom, shutting the door with a loud bang. The two looked at each other for a moment. 

“Truce?” They asked in unison, then hugged and apologized. 

“I’m so sorry I just want you to be happy—”

“Bringing up Suigetsu was a low blow—” 

The words weren’t important, but the friendship behind them was. Sakura was grateful for anything and everything post war life had brought her, but she was especially thankful that she was still able to make connections. She held proof of that in her hands right now. 

Karin pulled back first. “You know, just because you don’t want to date Sasuke doesn’t mean you can’t fuck him.”

“Karin!”


	6. Ramen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few notes based on some comments I received:  
1) Sasuke is not being healed by love. In fact, at this point he is not in love, nor is anyone in love with him. Sasuke, along with the rest of team 7 is receiving intense therapy for their PTSD and trauma received due to their careers. This is a journey about Sakura and Sasuke growing apart to eventually come together, when they have had time to heal. 
> 
> 2) yes, the Sasuke I write is very ooc, mostly because like I said, he is receiving a lot of therapy to deal with his traumas. He is healing. He is growing as a person and realizing what he wants and deserves. Therefore he will talk more, be more affectionate and have an emotional capacity larger than a peanut. 
> 
> If this is not your style, I completely understand. Do not feel forced to read!
> 
> With that being said, here’s the next chapter!

2.5 years after the war

It was late when Sakura heard tapping on her window. 

She was annoyed, not just because she recognized those chakra signatures and why weren’t they using the front door like normal people? But also because she had just shut her eyes and was ready to fall into a blissful sleep in the empty apartment. 

The team had all gone ANBU several months ago. As a medic, she was assigned to the more dangerous missions, but on rare occasions the Hokage would decide her efforts were better suited at the hospital. Last week had been such a case, and instead of pouting that her boys were going on a mission without her, she decided to take full advantage of it and enjoy the peace and quiet. 

But now, here they were to interrupt her peace four days earlier than expected. She pulled back her curtain, ready to lecture them, but instead her mouth fell open in awe. 

There were bloody streaks where Naruto’s knuckles had knocked against her window. She saw all three of her boys slumped in a heap on the windowsill, all bruised and beaten and oh my gosh is Sai even alive?

She rushed to open her latch and the three fell to the floor in a pile. She checked Sai first, sighing in relief as his pulse thrummed beneath his wrist. She then checked on the other two before turning back to the pale nin, who was the most injured. 

“What happened?” Sai was unconscious but the other two were awake, breaths coming out in harsh pants. 

“Ambush. We escaped and came here.” Their masks were pushed up on the side of their sweaty heads. 

“Why the hell would you come here and not the hospital?!” A green glow lit up both her hands as she pressed one to Sai’s chest and the other to Naruto’s bleeding head. 

“Why would we go to the hospital when we live with the best medic?” Sasuke spoke with so much annoyance that Sakura couldn’t even find it in her to be flattered. 

“This medic was trying to get some sleep! I have been in therapy for nearly two years and they have hammered into my head the words ‘self-care’ and ‘rest’! Here I am trying to take advantage of that—” 

“Teme won’t let anyone else go near him.”

Sakura raised her head to him as she maneuvered Sai into her bed, satisfied with her work. 

“Eh?”

“When has anyone else besides you ever healed him?”

“Shut up, dobe.”

Sakura continued to heal in silence, taking in Naruto’s words. She hadn’t noticed that she always healed Sasuke, maybe because she was just always the person there when he was injured. 

By the time she was finished, the sun had begun to peak out from behind the mountains and her entire room seemed as if it was soaked in blood. She was exhausted, but not anymore so than the injured idiots that now took residence on her bed. 

Sai was still asleep and Naruto was cuddled up to him; arm thrown over his chest. The sight made Sakura smile. Sasuke was laying with his eyes open and his head on Naruto’s shoulder. The act of affection shocked Sakura for a moment, but then she shook herself. Sasuke was capable. Sasuke had been working towards this. Sasuke deserved to reach out without feeling judged. 

“I would demand you three clean up my room but seeing as you’ll all be on bed rest for the next week I guess I’ll have to do it myself.” She was going for playful, but she just ended up sounding condescending. 

“The apartment is closer than the hospital,” Sasuke attempted. 

“None of you were that seriously injured that you couldn’t make it the extra half mile.”

“You are our team’s medic.”

“I wasn’t out on a mission!” She was exasperated, constantly in a battle of wits with Sasuke.

“Your chakra heals the best.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “That’s not a thing.”

“Your chakra is soothing and warm. I… I like the way it feels.” Sasuke murmured the last part, but Sakura still heard crystal clear. 

Sasuke had trust issues. She knew this, understood it and was happy to be apart of his inner circle. She hadn’t realized the extent of it, though. 

“What if I hadn’t been home tonight?”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “Where else would you have been if not at the hospital?”

“I have a social life, you know.”

“If you can call fucking Kiba on the side a social life,” Naruto mumbled. She picked up a pillow from the floor and threw it at him. 

“I thought you were asleep! And who told you about that?”

She wasn’t ashamed of it, Kiba was hot and surprisingly good in bed. She had always pictured him as a selfish type of man, but had been pleasantly surprised that first night a few months ago. 

“Gaara is the Kazekage. He knows everything.”

Sakura rolled her eyes again. “Do you have to use every occasion to brag about sleeping with the kazekage?”

Naruto cracked one eye open. “He’s the one who told me!”

“Well who did he hear it from?” The room was silent as Naruto’s face reddened with guilt. “I’m gonna kill Temari. What we discuss on girl’s night is private!”

Naruto merely yawned before snuggling closer to the pale nin. “Thanks for tonight, Sakura-chan. We’d be lost without you.”

Sakura sighed as she sat down cross-legged in her bed. It took a moment for her to realize Sasuke’s eyes were still on her. 

“What?”

“The guy with the dog?”

Sakura sighed. “Maybe you should go out with us more often, that way you could at least learn the names of your comrades.” 

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed as he shifted into a sitting position, even as Sakura protested. 

“He’s an asshole.”

“He just doesn’t think before he speaks. He’s actually super nice when you get to know him. And Team 8 has this really crazy dynamic that’s fun to explore, once you get to know them more.” Her eyes took on a dream like state as she thought about the last time she had gone out with the three teammates. 

“How long have you been dating?” His voice had a sharpness to it that Sakura identified as disappointment, though in what she wasn’t sure. 

“It’s nothing like that. We just find comfort in each other on some nights.” She was trying not to say fuck buddy, but honestly this wasn’t sounding any better. 

“Tch.”

“You should get laid.” Sakura nudged his foot with her knee. 

“Not interested.”

“You haven’t even tried.”

“That’s because I’m not interested.”

“Sai would probably sleep with you,” Sakura offered. “He would be great to start with, it probably wouldn’t even be awkward after.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened and a blush spread across his cheeks. “I am not having sex with Sai!”

“Why not?”

“I am not discussing sex with you!”

“I could teach you how to kiss, if you want.”

“Sakura!” Sasuke threw a hand over his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe this conversation was actually happening. 

“What! It’s just an offer. I’ll even bring some alcohol to loosen you up a little. Unfortunately any further than second base and you’ll have to find someone else.”

“Second base?”

“Oh no, Sasuke get some rest. I’ll go over the birds and the bees with you some other time.”

—

Sasuke hadn’t told Sakura she could enter his room, and he definitely had given her permission to sit on his bed. 

“Your room is so clean! I remember when mine was like this, ya know, before it got stained from all that blood the night I healed you three…”

Guilt trip. Damn. “What do you want, Sakura?”

Her back straightened in excitement. “Well I’m bored and Kiba’s on a mission so I figured we could work on your social skills, you know like we talked about the other night?”

Sasuke’s heart raced at her implication. He shook his head. “Go away.”

It wasn’t that he was uninterested in kissing Sakura. She had soft looking lips and he trusted her with his life. Literally. It was more that his interest in her was why he had to say no. 

She pulled out a bottle of alcohol. “But Sasuke, I want to drink and be careless tonight.” Her lower lip jutted out in a pout. 

“You’re speaking like a reckless shinobi not dealing with their trauma.” Sasuke had gone through therapy as a part of his probationary terms. Then, after Sai had started going to the clinic he had convinced the other two to give it a shot. So they were all very familiar with their own mental health states as well as their roommates. Once a month they all attended group therapy, just because they went on a lot of fucking crazy missions doing fucked up shit and they needed to stay stable and be able to trust each other. 

That was exactly why Sasuke knew what Sakura was doing. 

“The nightmares started again,” she admitted. “But I’m doing what my therapist has advised and I know it’s totally normal and just part of the cycle of life but,” she looked at him with desperate eyes. “I could really use a distraction tonight.”

He wanted to say yes, wanted to thank kami for such an excuse to indulge with Sakura. But in the end, after searching her exhausted face he knew it wasn’t the right decision. So instead he stood up and threw her favorite jacket of his at her. 

“We’re going out.”

Sakura blanched. “Really?”

“But we're doing this my way. Now go get the dobe. I’ll tell Sai.”

—

Sakura was less than impressed when they stopped at the bright lights of Ichiraku. 

“I thought you said we were doing this your way, not Naruto’s.”

The blond stuck his hands up in surrender. “I have no part in this, though you won’t hear me complaining.” He entered the restaurant eagerly. 

Sasuke fell into step with Sakura. “No alcohol and no meaningless flings to cover up your pain. Just some healthy chats with friends.”

Sakura gritted her teeth before taking a seat beside Naruto. 

“This is stupid. Who wants to healthily cope?” Sakura asked while grabbing for the drink menu. 

Sasuke snatched it out of her hands. “Try it just this once, will you?”

Sakura huffed and dropped her chin onto her hand. “You have thirty minutes. Impress me, Uchiha.”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. He never could turn down a challenge, Sakura thought. 

He sat up straight, turning to address the group head on. 

“We’re here to talk about mundane everyday things. Sai will start.” He turned to the man sitting next to him. 

Sai’s eyes widened. “What? Why me?”

“Because you wash your clothes twice before wearing them and there’s nothing more boring than that.”

“Says the man who does nothing but read books,” Sai countered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“It’s almost been three years,” Sakura whispered, eyes cast down. She didn’t care about anything mundane right now, not when she could still smell burning bodies. “When will it stop?”

Naruto placed a hand overtop hers after a long moment of silence. She flinched against the sudden contact, but didn’t pull back. 

“When we were younger and at the academy, I thought being a ninja was all glory and money.” His words were spoken so low that the other three had to lean forward to hear. “Now, on the bad days, I think it’s all bloodshed and death. But in this moment I know…” he looked up to meet Sakura’s eyes. “That being a shinobi is somewhere in between. It’s not all heroes and not all death. It’s both. How I feel about that changes everyday, but right now I’m happy because if nothing else, it brought me closer to you guys.”

Sakura wiped tears from her eyes and took a deep, heaving breath. “Damn it, Naruto. This was my moment to prove Sasuke wrong and here you are being all sentimental.” She let out a small sob. “And you’re completely sober. I mean who can speak from the heart like that without any alcohol in their system?”

She closed her eyes as the onslaught of tears overtook her. She felt Naruto pull her into his side and she buried her face in his chest, breathing in his scent. She couldn’t identify it exactly but it felt like home, smelled like each of her boys when they exited the shower after a long training session. The scent she was hit with when she stepped into the apartment after being away for weeks on a mission. The tightening in her chest loosened a bit. 

She wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, but when she sat back up there was a steaming bowl of ramen on the placemat in front of her. 

Someone had ordered for her, and they had memorized her favorite type. She felt tears well in her eyes once more but she held back, because damn it there was no reason to cry over ramen. Sakura broke open her chopsticks and began eating, too emotional to speak. 

When they left the restaurant a while later, Sakura’s heart felt lighter and her eyes heavier. It had been days since she had gotten decent sleep due to her nightmares, but something told her tonight would be different. She ran up and linked arms between Naruto and Sai, eyeing Sasuke until he sighed and grabbed onto Naruto’s elbow. 

“I’ve never had a family,” Sai stated, turning his head towards the other three. “Is this really what it’s like?”

“I haven’t either,” Naruto said. “But I can’t imagine it's much different.”

“It’s not.” Sakura was surprised to hear Sasuke’s voice. His eyes were cast forward, staring at the sidewalk in front of them. “It’s a little different because there’s no parents, but the feeling is the same.”

“You’re the parent, Sasuke.” Sakura released her elbow to punch him lightly on the arm. “You stay up late into the night until we’re all home and you’re always scolding us for not eating properly, or not cleaning the apartment or—”

“Or not showering!”

“That’s only you, Naruto.” Sakura rolled her eyes as Sai unlocked the apartment. 

“I’m going to bed, I have much to think about pertaining to family.” Sai waved good night, about to head to his room, but Naruto drew the group into a group hug before he could get too far. 

“We’re doing a family training session at dawn.” He winked before running to his room, pointedly ignoring the groans and complaints that followed him. 

Sakura plopped down on the couch and pulled her legs into her chest as Sasuke took place beside her. She turned her head towards him, laying it on her knees. 

“You were right. I hate to admit it, you know.”

“Aa.” His reply was short, but there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“It felt good to just say it out loud. To say what I've been constantly thinking about for the past few weeks. It felt even better to talk about it in the sunlight, not during one of our late nightmare sessions.”

“I’m sure your therapist has told you this before.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Maybe, but who listens to the advice their therapist gives every single time?”

Sasuke shrugged before reaching for his book on the side table. “You should probably do it more often.”

“How many more years do you think we’ll live together?” Sakura asked, leaning into see the title of the book. 

“I will not pretend like I don’t know Kakashi is still forcing you to stay by my side.” Sasuke kept his eyes on the page, but could see Sakura’s raised brows from his peripherals. 

“Forced is a bit of a strong word. Yes, he uses us as an excuse for the elders, but we want to stay here.”

“You would still be here, even if you didn’t want to be.”

“Maybe, but one day they’ll be satisfied with your progress.”

“Tch.” Sasuke shook his head. He didn’t pretend like his past with Konoha hadn’t happened, he just knew all that he has done for them since then should have more than proved his loyalties. 

“It’s true, Sasuke. Eventually at least one of us is going to want to get married and have kids. It might even be soon, we’re almost 20 years old. That’s like, 60 in shinobi years.”

Sasuke set his book down. “Is this your way of telling me that you’re engaged to that dog?”

Sakura gritted her teeth. “Kiba is not a dog. Akamaru is the dog.”

“You realize that if you marry him you’re pretty much marrying the dog too, right?”

“I’m not marrying Kiba! I’m just saying they can’t keep us together forever. I mean, I do want to get married one day. And you want to restore your clan, don’t you?”

Sasuke didn’t answer, but there was a slight shift in his gaze that told Sakura she was wrong about it all. 

She softened her tone. “Why not?”

A pause. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s more that my focus hasn’t been on that, and I don’t know when it will shift.”

Sakura wrinkled her brow. “Shift your focus? To what, finding a mate?”

Sasuke shifted in his seat. “It sounds bad when you say it like that.”

“Well isn’t that how you meant it?”

“I just mean—” his tone had risen and he took a deep breath before continuing. “I just mean that it’s not something that’s on the forefront of my mind is all.”

“It shouldn’t ever be on the forefront of your mind.” Sasuke tossed her a confused look and she rolled her eyes before continuing. “Love will find you. The person you want to have babies with will just one day pop into your life and you’ll be like, ‘that’s it, that’s the one.’”

“How do you know?”

“I was in love, once upon a time.” She didn’t say with who, and she prayed to kami he wouldn’t ask because she’s not sure what would come out of her mouth. She had thought she’d loved Sasuke, but now she wasn’t so sure. She was pretty sure she loved Morio at one point, almost as sure as she is that she’ll never marry Kiba. 

Anything could happen. She was in control of every action she made; she had the power. It emboldened her, made her feel fearless. Which is probably why she reached forward and pulled Sasuke into her by the shirt, lips smashing onto his. 

She kissed him for only a few seconds, wanting to get the taste and feel of him, moving her mouth against his a few times before pulling back. 

“Like I said, I could teach you to kiss.” She stood up then, slowly sauntering to her room before turning her head over her shoulder. 

“Good night, Sasuke.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has so much angst.. like if angst isn’t your thing, this probably isn’t for you

2.75 years post war

Sakura was screaming at him. 

It was nothing new, not really. Sakura bounced from happy to sad to angry all in the blink of an eye. Most days it was too exhausting to keep track. Today though, Sasuke must have reached a new level of pettiness because that’s exactly what he did. 

“Seven times,” he seethed through clenched teeth. “This is the seventh time you’ve yelled at me for some no good reason that only you could concoct in that fucked up head of yours!”

Sakura stood up from her position on the couch. “You think this is a no good reason? You think you can just come and interrupt my date—”

“That was two days ago, Sakura.”

“—and not have any consequences? You think just because you’re the big, bad Uchiha you can do whatever you want and get away with it.” She put her hands on her hips. “Not in my book. You need to get it out of your head that I’m the weak girl that was in love with you because I certainly—” 

“I’ve not once, this entire conversation, said you’re in love with me.”

“And I never will be. You don’t deserve me, Uchiha.”

“I don’t want you. You were psycho in love with me back then and it turns out you’re even crazier now.” Sasuke wanted to retreat to his room but of course Sakura was blocking his path. So instead he settled for angling his body away from her. 

“If that’s true then why did you literally come and grab me out of Kiba’s bed?”

“You know the consequences if you don’t sleep in this apartment.” Sasuke clenched his jaw before continuing. “You are on a long term mission to be by my side and monitor me, and that includes through the nights you are in the village.”

Sakura groaned. “You think I care about anything the elders have to say? What’s it to them if I fuck someone and want to stay at their place?”

“You have a duty as a shinobi.”

“I don’t care about being a kunoichi all the time! Sometimes I just want to be a teenage girl going on dates and sleeping over with the guy she’s kind of dating!” 

Sakura wasn’t the most rational person, this was a fact Sasuke had accepted. Therefore it was his job to reign her in when her impulses became too unreasonable. Ditching her job as a ninja, even if it was for something as meaningless and dumb as coming home to fake keeping an eye on Sasuke, he had to make sure she did it. 

“You have to make better decisions than that.”

“No I don’t. I can actually do whatever I want since I’m an adult and am capable of dealing with the consequences of my own actions.”

Sasuke glared a sharingan bright eye at her. “Why are you so insistent on rebelling against things that are good for you? There’s no chaos in your life right now so you create it yourself. You just can’t leave well enough alone.” She was too blind to her own actions, but Sasuke saw right through her. 

“Not everything is peaches and daisies in my life, Sasuke. I spend the majority of my free time saving lives so excuse me for wanting to blow off some steam. God forbid I move on from you—”

“Blow off all the steam you want! Fuck every guy in this damned village! But like it or not, you took an oath to protect your home. That means not shirking your responsibilities, no matter how menial or pointless they might be.”

Sakura punched the wall behind her, trying not to cough as particles puffed into the air. 

“None of this would have happened if you could have controlled yourself.”

Sasuke turned towards her once more, eyebrows raised. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You and your stupid revenge plan at the ripe age of 13! It was so dumb and not well thought out and now I have to pay the price.” She turned her body towards him slowly, face lighting up as if she just realized something. “Who are you to preach to me about responsibility and duty to my village when just three years ago you were prepared to destroy the entirety of Konoha?”

“A changed man.” He kept his voice even and calm because she was trying to get a rise out of him, to fight with him because she had grown up in a society where peace was never an option and now that things had calmed down how was she supposed to cope? Ninjas were taught to fear the silence; to listen too hard and think too much. Peace was just a ruse and anyone who didn’t want to fight was lying. Look underneath the underneath. What was there to see when everything was laid out on the table?

Sasuke knew the effect Naruto could have better than anyone. He knew that if he was the catalyst towards peace then it would hold steady for years to come. 

He looked into Sakura’s eyes once more. They were wide and he could almost feel her desperation for some sense of normalcy to fall back into. Even after these few years they hadn’t grown used to what should be routine by now. 

This was part of the trauma, Sasuke had been told that by his therapist over and over. PTSD would show itself in different ways throughout the years following the war. At this moment though, Sasuke knew it was more than just the battle bothering her. 

“I’m sorry I left back then, Sakura. It’s not something I can change but I’m here now, trying to be better.”

“You think you can just come back into my life like this? That’s a fucking joke, Sasuke. You can’t just leave and not even think about me and come back trying to be my best friend.” 

He stood then, grabbing for his shoes. “I don’t have to sit here and listen to this.”

She crossed her arms, storming after him as he walked toward the door. 

“Sure, just go ahead and run away, it’s what you’re best at! Maybe you can come back and murder your teammates when you’re done, it’s what you’ve always wanted to do anyways!”

He slammed the door as the warm summer breeze hit his face. He ran towards the training grounds, begging his brain to spot repeating her last words. 

—

Sakura knew she had made a mistake the second she pulled away from Naruto. 

“Have you always been a good kisser?”

Gaara shook his head. “You can thank me for that one.”

Sakura raised her eyebrows. “The thing with the tongue?”

“All me.”

She laughed before responding. “I’m taking that and using it myself. I think I can get any date to take me back to their place with that one.”

It was late and they were all sitting around a fire with a bottle of sake. Sakura was way drunker than she would ever admit and hadn’t even thought twice when Ino put down the bottle to spin. 

They had just completed a large scale mission protecting the Kazekage. It was one of the biggest she had ever been on, involving several Suna and Konoha jonin, which meant it was now the perfect time to celebrate with some teenage shenanigans. 

She had never played games like this before. Her team was disbanded at age 13 when Sasuke became a missing nin, and she had spent so much time training that she hardly went on normal missions with people her age. Ino was sure to show her the ropes. 

“It’s easy, Sakura. You just spin the bottle and kiss whoever it lands on.”

Sakura furrowed her brow. “Like a peck?”

Ino rolled her eyes. “Maybe if we were still genin. Now, no way! It’s tongue or nothing. So make sure your breath is all right because you never know what could happen from there.”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Of course! I taught Shikamaru everything he knows, but don’t let Temari know that.” She mumbled the last part, eyeing the couple that was locked in a tight embrace behind a tree, probably assuming they were out of sight. Ino threw a pebble at them. 

“You’ll have plenty of time to kiss when you sneak off to her tent later on, now come over and play!”

The first person Sakura had landed on was Kiba, to her relief. She was very familiar with the move of his mouth against hers, and his smirk as she leaned in showed he wasn’t holding anything back. She was ready to call it quits after that and head back to his tent, but Ino grabbed onto her arm. 

“Don’t look like a floozy right now. Kiba’s not bad but don’t you wanna experiment and see what else is out there?”

So Sakura had stayed. On Hinata’s spin the bottle cap hit her dead on. Sakura had taken one look at her pink face before shrugging and pulling her forward. Though timid, she couldn’t deny the tiny flutter she got once the girl responded, soft lips pressing firmly against her own, opening eagerly when she parted her own mouth. Sakura pulled back breathless, giving the shy girl a wicked smile. 

Sakura watched for a while, taking large gulps from her cup as Ino kissed Temari, Choji kissed Lee and Tenten kissed Shino. She couldn’t help but laugh at some of the awkward pairings that didn’t seem so bad after they parted. In fact she wouldn’t be surprised to see some tents doubled up tonight. 

When Naruto’s turn rolled around and she found the bottle pointed at herself, she couldn’t deny the anticipation in her belly. If their team had stayed together, she would have surely already kissed both boys. Maybe they could have even taken pointers from each other, practiced until it was just as it should be. 

She was surprised when she found herself winding her hands through his hair and leaning in closer. By now there was absolutely no chance of any romantic love between the two, but she couldn’t deny the man knew what he was doing with his mouth and she found her mind wandering to where else it could surprise her. 

Gaara had been watching from the sidelines along with a few other less outgoing nin. He didn’t seem to mind watching his boyfriend kiss other people, in fact she had even seen him smile at the reactions of those who’d engaged in the act. Apparently he was rather proud of the work he’d done. Sakura gave him a congratulatory high five before stumbling back into her seating position. She gasped in surprise when her back came in contact with a body. She turned to see Sasuke. 

“You’re doing things you’re going to regret in the morning.”

Sakura grit her teeth in lieu of a response. She didn’t need any lectures tonight. All she wanted to do was let loose and be careless for just once in her life. Why couldn’t he let her have even a single moment?

He shook a bottle at her teasingly. “Come with me.”

It wasn’t an order, it was an offer. Sasuke was extending an invitation, but for what she didn’t know. 

She sat for a moment, contemplating. They hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms since their last argument, but Sakura really wanted to know what he could possibly have to say that he’d be willing to bribe her with alcohol. 

In the end curiosity got the best of her, and she stuck out her hand so he could pull her up. Maybe it was her lowered inhibitions but as she stumbled against his chest she couldn’t help but glance at his lips and think back to that night a few months ago. 

“You aren’t taking me for your own personal game of spin the bottle, are you?” Not that she’d mind. In fact, it’s exactly what she wanted to do. She had just kissed Naruto, Sai had gotten to second base months ago so why should she exclude Sasuke from this?

“I don’t need to play a childish game to get someone to kiss me,” he replied, plopping down against a tree. 

“You are a child. I am a child. Can’t we just act like it for once?”

Sasuke stared at the bottle in his hands before taking a quick swig. His eyes crinkled at the edges but made no other acknowledgment of the taste. 

“Fine, but I’m not spinning this.”

Sakura shrugged before sitting across from him and snatching the bottle. “Deal.”

It was quiet for a while as they passed the drink back and forth. Sasuke took small sips, not really committing to the drunk, careless teenager bit. Sakura felt slightly guilty because she knew he was only trying to make her feel better and she had enough anyways. She reached for the bottle and tossed it onto the soft grass behind her. 

“Your stability is important to you, and you don’t owe me anything so stop acting like it.”

Sasuke nodded, pausing for an awkward moment. Sakura hated it. Everything her and Sasuke had been over the past few years: enemies, best friends, impromptu family; awkwardness had never had a place. 

“We should talk about it,” he finally said. 

Sakura groaned. “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even want to think about it. We were angry, we said mean things we didn’t mean.”

“But you said a lot of things you did mean.”

Sakura turned her head to the side, avoiding eye contact. “Can we just please move on?” Her tone was edging on begging but she didn’t care. She knew there was no escaping this talk but she wasn't going down without a fight. 

Sasuke had always been an out. Way back when it was her excuse to be weak, because he would always be there to protect her. After he left she started training harder, became a medical ninja because she wanted to be on his level. And now, sitting here ignoring the man she had once longed so much for, she knew that she was using him as an emotional punching bag when she got too confused. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t say the things I do to you. I know you’re different than you were back then.” She took a deep breath. Saying it out loud made it real, which meant she’d have to accept it too. “But I’m not ready to forgive you. I thought I was but…” 

It was too much at once, between all she had felt for him and the way it had warped the image of herself. She had loved him enough to kill him when he was at his lowest, but hated herself enough to stop. It wasn’t a mistake, and it worked out for the best, but she knew if she had any self worth she would have finished him off back then. 

Maybe that was part of the problem. She knew why she held back and the absolute guilt weighing over her was unbearable some days. She could have killed him. Any sensible ninja at the time would have. 

How many good people had she slaughtered without a second thought? How many shinobi had just been out there, fighting for their village just for their family to find out they wouldn’t make it home. 

She hesitated for Sasuke because she loved him. But odds were, she had killed lots of very loved people, without a second thought. 

“You weren’t a good person back then and I’m mad at you for it,” she admitted. His silence was unbearable and she was too intoxicated to hide her feelings. 

“I understand.” 

“No, you don’t. I tried to kill you but I didn’t. I have to live with that. I have to go on with knowing that you were able to come back from such a dark place and what if… what if some of the people I killed were like that, too?” What if they were never even dark in the first place? She couldn’t bare to voice that one aloud. 

Sasuke shook his head. “You can’t think like that.”

Sakura leaned forward, eyes frantically searching his. “But I am thinking like that. I kill people out in the field and save lives in the hospital. How fucked up is that?” Her entire career was on oxymoron; a cycle of life and death created by her own chakra infused hands. 

Fire laced up and down her chest as panting breaths spilled from her lips. The roaring in her ears drowned out Sasuke’s voice. Wrapping her arms around her shoulders, she scrunched her eyes closed and prayed for the voice in her head to stop screaming murderer. 

She flinched as Sasuke enveloped her, tightly squeezing her midsection. The warm breath by her ear signaled he was talking but she still couldn’t hear; could only feel his heartbeat in fast rhythm with her own. 

Sakura leaned heavily into him as her arms began to shake. Her body felt as if it had given up, joining her mind at rock bottom. When the panic finally eased, she pushed away from his chest and placed her hands on the dewy grass. 

“I’m a hypocrite.”

Sasuke huffed. “Who isn’t?”

“That’s part of the problem, isn’t it? We accept things blindly because it’s easier than dealing with the consequences. It’s easier if I kill the man I’m assigned to if I don’t know his background. If I knew he brought warm bread home to his kid every time he came back from a mission, then I might hesitate in taking him out.”

Sasuke’s shoulders stiffened, eyes widening. “You didn’t.”

“It was a scouting mission. What choice did I have?” She rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to keep her tone even. “I was scouting so I could assassinate him, but the more I learned, the more I asked myself why I was following these orders.”

“Kakashi isn’t asking you to murder innocent people.” His words weren’t convincing though. Sakura knew that he understood more than anyone. Itachi had chosen a side and it was a decision Sasuke struggled with understanding everyday. 

“Maybe not innocent to us, but in his home he’s seen as a hero.”

“You’ve picked a loyalty, haven’t you?”

Sakura hesitated. She understood what he was saying, really, she did. She pledged her life to Konoha. She would die protecting it in a heartbeat. That meant that anyone with crimes against her village was seen as a criminal and some of these were punishable by death. 

“I am loyal to life.” She was a healer, it had always felt like her destiny. On the battlefield she had saved many lives that would normally be a threat to Konoha’s civilization. It didn’t feel like a betrayal, and neither did this. 

Sasuke nodded slowly. Acceptance. She breathed in relief. “Will you continue being out in the field then?”

“I haven’t figured it all out yet. Until I do, I will continue normally with missions.”

She was staggering to her feet when he pulled at the end of her shirt. 

“Did you kill him?”

Sakura eyed him for a moment. Could she trust him with the truth? “I completed my mission,” she answered before walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note: Sakura will always be a kunoichi.   
I feel as if in Boruto, there was an obvious shift in a lot less murdering because of the peace among villages. I wanted to highlight the shift. Naruto, as future Hokage and Kakashi as current Hokage don’t just straight up stop needlessly killing people right away... it’s a long process of breaking out of the system that was in place before. In my head, Sakura is a big help in the movement towards peace and this is just me showing that she’s realized what she’s doing and she’s fed up. She loves protecting her village and she’s working toward a brighter day with her teammates by her side.


	8. Growing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick chapter to let you all know I haven't and will NEVER give up on this story!!

3 years post war

“I can handle this guy myself, go get the target.” Sakura took out her last three poisoned senbon, ready to aim when Sasuke pulled on her wrist. 

“That’s not enough poison to take a man that size down and if you think I’m leaving you here without backup then you’re crazy.”

“First off, I work heavily in the poison’s department so you have no idea what this is capable of. If you’d like to find out I have no qualms stabbing you right now because I actually only need two to take this man down.” She bared her teeth in a masochistic grin. “Secondly, I’m not trying to kill him, just paralyze him long enough for us to complete our mission and be on our way. That is something only I am capable of on this team so if you don’t catch up to Naruto and Sai then you’ll just be sitting on your ass back here.”

His ANBU mask covered his face, but she could practically feel his annoyed expression. After a moment though, he turned and took off after their teammates. 

“Men,” Sakura murmured, rolling her eyes at the figure charging towards her with no attempt to shield himself. “They always underestimate me.”

—

Later that night, the roommates were sat around their coffee table with takeout containers strewn between them. 

“That man looked like he could have destroyed you, Sakura-chan!” Hours after their return home, Naruto was still bragging on Sakura’s flawless execution of her game plan. 

“But he didn’t lay a finger on me,” she pointed out. She was trying to stay humble, but honestly it was hard to contain the pride out of her tone. 

“And no one was even killed! All the rogue ninja were sent back to their villages to be dealt with accordingly. This peace thing… it could really happen.” His eyes were lit up and Sakura’s heart clenched in her chest. Naruto inspired people; she wasn’t immune to that. 

Sakura laid a hand over Naruto’s on the table. “Everything you’ve fought for us coming to fruition.”

He squeezed tightly before yanking her into a bone crushing hug. “I couldn’t have done it without you guys.”

They continued on talking that night, planning for the future and letting the hope they had buried so long ago bubble to the surface. Sakura was happy, truly and genuinely happy for the first time in ages and she could hardly keep the smile off her face. She was finding a way to stay a ninja while attempting to be as ethical as possible.

She let herself bask in it for the rest of the night. When she laid down to sleep that night her head was clear and she let exhaustion claim her. She didn’t pause to think that she hadn’t completed her nightly meditation, or that she hadn’t taken her sleeping pills. It never crossed her mind. 

When she was being shaken awake in the middle of the night, she fought the urge to pin the person beneath her. 

The urge won. Sasuke was beneath her, hands lightly grasping her elbows and eyes averted to the ceiling, like they did this often. 

“You were screaming.” He made no move to fix their compromising position. 

“Sorry.” She wasn’t, but she was too shaken to inform him of that. 

Finally he tapped her arm lightly and she released her grip to see two red handprints on his upper arms. She should probably apologize for those too. She fumbled off him and landed on her feet beside her bed. She could hear someone in the kitchen clinking teacups together. 

Sasuke walked out of her door and into the living room. He didn’t even look back to see if she would follow and for some reason that annoyed her. She wasn’t anyone’s lap dog, and he hadn’t even asked. 

Her feet carried her forwards anyways. 

“It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these nights.” Sai was sitting cross legged in the chair across from her room with a blanket thrown around his shoulders. His tea steamed in his hands but he didn’t grimace as he sipped from the cup. 

“Sorry.” It seemed to be all she was capable of saying. 

She looked down and her hands were shaking. She couldn’t feel her fingertips and when she glanced back up to Naruto, who was apparently talking to her, he was drenched in blood. 

She screamed again, jumping to her feet and backing against the wall. 

She blinked and it was gone. 

A thrum of pain laced its way through her head as she fell to the ground. She tried to blink away the black dots in her vision but they only clouded her more. The roaring in her head sounded like a freight train right beneath the apartment. It made her want to scream. Her throat ached. Maybe she was screaming. 

Sakura couldn’t tell how long this went on. It could have been hours, but when she could see again the moon was still out. 

Her three boys were all squatted in front of her. Sai, blanket still around his shoulders, was holding her legs firmly into the wood floor beneath. Naruto’s had her arms pressed against her sides and a panicked expression met her eyes. She was flat on the ground. 

Sasuke has her head in his hands, chin angled up slightly so that only the crown of her head was lightly grazing the floor. 

“Let me go you lunatics.” Her voice sounded like gravel and her throat felt like it was laced with knives. She coughed once, which turned into a coughing fit that aches more than talking had. 

She dragged a hand across her sweaty forehead. Her bangs were all tangled. The boys had released her but they still lingered at an uncomfortably close distance. 

“Can’t a girl breathe?” She struggled to her feet, bracing her palm against the wall. The boys backed away two paces. They stared at her shaking legs. 

Sakura walked back to her bedroom and slammed the door before anyone could follow her in. 

Mortified was a good word to describe how she felt. Confused wasn’t a bad summary either. 

She hadn’t had a breakdown in months, never mind a breakdown this severe. She tried to look back and see if she had actually ever blacked out, but nothing came to mind. 

She crumpled in on herself once her legs touched the bed, sobbing into her pillow until she was sure her head would explode from the pressure. Only then did she remind herself of her coping mechanisms. Deep breathing, focusing on the texture of her bedspread, the calming sounds of the silent room. 

She fell asleep on top of her covers and didn’t wake until the sun was high in the sky. When she opened the door to fetch breakfast, she tripped over something. 

Cursing, she looked down to see three sleeping figures pressed in a half circle around her room. 

Idiots. All of them. She could have just hurt herself trying to get out. 

She kicked the one closest to her, hard. Naruto flinched. 

“Get up, I’m making breakfast and you’re making the tea.” She turned towards the other two. “And if either of you aren’t in the kitchen in five minutes, then Naruto gets to eat your serving.”

She smirked at the groans of protest, but kept walking forward. 

Her heart felt lighter.


End file.
